More Concrete Steps, More Therapy Homework

Started by Blueberry, April 17, 2020, 03:34:24 PM

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Blueberry

Thank you notalone and Hope :grouphug: Yes I wish  :hug: :hug: on here were warming too. The best I can do is imagine they are.

I was reading more back in my paper Journal and seeing partially just how much I've been looking at, realising and dealing with in T. No wonder I needed some time to regroup. So I realise now this morning that I'm coming back out of an EF.

Yes, I also saw lots of methods my T has practised with me and shown me but I no longer feel bad for not practising them as much as I think I 'should'. There's that 'should' again. Because I often apologise for not having done (enough) homework and my T regularly reminds me to try for more self-acceptance and that homework he gives me is just to keep the ball rolling so to speak and not to add pressure. The ball is definitely rolling atm and has been for weeks and months now.

What I did start doing in the night though was reading some of my books on resilience as an aid to healing from trauma and then doing some of the workbook questions. That's what really brought me back out of my EF. So I want to concentrate more on resilience and resilience-building in the next while. I think I may do more of that in my paper Journal and of course just hands-on, real life, rather than on here.

sanmagic7


Blueberry

#243
Successes today:
1) I contacted ll, well his secretary, and she managed to organise a heating installation worker to come and look at my hot-water heater within the space of 3 hours. He did get it going again but said it needs massive internal cleaning and other maintenance which hasn't been done since I moved in here about 15 years ago and possibly not beforehand either. Unfortunately the secretary wouldn't agree to me setting up an appointment asap for the heating installation company to do that, I have to wait till ll is back from his holiday. Within about 6 hours, the hot-water heater went back to its non-functioning / light blinking (at least it's not dangerous in anyway, the installation worker assured me on that point). I emailed the secretary right away, though it was after office hours. I will get onto her tomorrow morning though. So that's all really good! Well-managed, no EFs, I'm sticking up for my rights, and I was quite relieved that I didn't have to fight for the first inspection at least.

2) Between contacting ll's secretary and the arrival of the heating maintenance worker, I went over to a friend's for a bath and hair wash. After that I felt so much better that I even changed out of my trackpants and into jeans at least and added a colourful scarf round my neck. When I manage to wear more colour or get changed into something more decent, then it helps me continue to move back out of the EF and/or not slip back in. otoh I always have to wait till I'm far enough out of my EF to be able to add a bit of colour. Today it worked though! :cheer:

3) When a student of mine came back from the business toilet (I share with the tailor) with tales of a flooded floor (I think just water, not worse but still wet!!), I decided that is enough!! This student is a 13 yo boy, not a really picky lady or anything and it's the second time he's faced something like that in the less than year he has been coming. I've had enough of the tailor's lying and gaslighting and even yelling and his point-blank refusal to clear up his mess in and around the toilet. This isn't just a cleaning issue - your turn, my turn - it's the issue that I really need to check the toilet everytime a student asks to go, which isn't even that often, just to make sure it's fit for use! I don't always check though for various reasons. And I shouldn't have to!!! So that's enough. I'm going to make an official complaint to my ll (just what I need when there's an issue with my apartment heating, but they're both legitimate issues and ll needs to deal!). I've already taken the first steps - telling today's student I'm going to complain and mentioning I'll talk to his grandparents and see if they could write an annoyed letter to my ll on their grandson's behalf. Because I need witnesses other than me to sway ll and not have him gaslighting me too. Another student (female and definitely picky on the hygiene front) has complained before so I contacted her too to ask for exact complaints and if I could try and get a letter from her parents. She agreed to both bits. And I've asked a third student who I haven't heard back from yet, but that might well come tomorrow.  :thumbup: :cheer: :cheer: No cringeing from me today :cheer:

4) Contacted another couple of students about coming back again this year or just back after my few days' EF that was so bad i couldn't teach
5) Done a few admin bits and pieces that I wasn't able to do even this morning
6) Taught 2 students

7) Contacted the guy who's doing the next bit of my business advertising to suggest a small change but otherwise accept his proposal - with the feeling it's quite simply time I had decals etc in my windows and the exact wording, colouring, symbols etc are not really, really important. This is really quite a bit of progress! Not even progress I've been through and am repeating now, but real first-time progress! :cheer:

8 ) Dealt with a further house issue today. Our recycled paper bin has gone awol. I've been waiting for somebody else to maybe deal with it. I mean other people knew I was ill (the EF looked like illness to them) and I know they knew the bin was missing because they were piling papers on the floor. So finally one knocked on my office door this evening to inquire. I got him as far as asking somebody else in the house to deal with it - he tried the tailor to no avail but then he met one of the other people coming in the door and got her to admit there was a problem and say she'd deal (the question in her case is when? but we'll see). And I got him as far as admitting that he knocks at my door a) because I am quite simply there (although the tailor is too) and b) because I usually act or at least give some pertinent, sensible information or suggestion, which can't be said for anybody else in the building. And I also got him to see that there's a difference between me either dealing directly with a problem myself or knocking round doors in the building or getting ll onto it to the benefit of everybody in the building versus me doing any of the above for a problem in my own office or apartment. He really understood more intensely that that is why I refused to help him when he had recently moved in: everybody asks me or just simply expects me to deal with their problems and house problems. I'm not a janitor! So it's when he finally understood that that he said he'd ask the tailor and then asked somebody else in the building. Before that he said "OK, I don't care either. ll was really difficult about my apartment. Nobody else does anything in the building, I'm not doing anything either."

All very long-winded but it's good for me that I wrote it out. I imagine that the work I did in the night on resiliency and that kind of thing gave me all this energy to deal with the whole onslaught today without cringeing, getting back into bed, feeling small etc. etc

Snowdrop

I'm reading your last post and looking impressed. Action! Boundaries! Progress! Well done, Blueberry. :cheer:

Not Alone

Way to go, Blueberrry, getting so much done and sticking up for yourself.

Blueberry

Thank you both :) :hug: for validating! After some regrouping and recouping, I'm moving forwards again and not just with one thing either :cheer: Things are really moving!

As a follow-up to yesterday's Success no. 1, I didn't even have to get on to the secretary this morning, my email of last night did the trick! The heating maintenance company phoned me up and is ordering the necessary electrodes. They still haven't been given the official go-ahead, but they will be when ll himself is back from his holiday (otherwise they wouldn't be ordering. They know ll.) Anybody on here who has read my previous posts on ll will know that the events of the past few days mark a change on ll's attitude and behaviour towards me. :cheer: Maybe not forever, maybe in fact quite probably there will be other things I'll have to fight for that are technically my right. But I'm feeling less nervous, less cowed and small and frightened. :cheer: My T will be overjoyed at this and rn might say "See, you've gone right onto the next step without needing to do any intermediary homework."

And as a follow-up to Success no. 3, the additional adult student I asked for a statement on the mess on the business toilet is happy to provide me with one.

Seeing Success no. 5 reminds me of another small admin. issue that I need to do, have the wherewithall to do and will do today! When the wherewithal is there, it's good for me to act. And it's certainly something that's good to just do and then file than add to another pile of 'waiting to be done' and then the recipient having to send reminder emails in the next months. There is an additional recipient I need to inform but I notice the wherewithal for that is not yet there, so no pressure. Deal with first recipient and then see. So, that is Today's Success no. 1 :cheer:

Today's Success no. 2 (earlier chronological order): I went to bed really late 'last night' - it was this morning - and I did my resiliency exercises before going to sleep. ie. I wrote a little list of Joys and a little list of Things to be Thankful for in my paper Journal :cheer: and I really think it's paying off already! :)

Hope67

 :cheer:  So many successes, that is great. 
:hug:
Hope  :)

Blueberry

#248
Thank you Hope :) :hug:

Today one of my students said one of the things she really appreciates is my 'cheerleading' - being positive, pointing out to my students where they're making progress and how important that particular step is etc -  so I thought of  :cheer: right away. I do it for myself, for my students and in a certain way for my pets :)  When I started out on the forum I liked the look of  :cheer: right away but had to overcome various ICr statements in order to use it.

So I taught one student today though it's Saturday. I was catching up from last week. Otherwise it has been a very slow, restful day. I accept that I need that kind of day today. :thumbup: The weather forecast for this afternoon was pouring rain. Actually it was  :sunny: :sunny: so after teaching I went and stood in the garden in the sun, simply enjoying the warmth. A concrete, beneficial step. 

I managed to not reply to another client's email that doesn't need a reply before Mon. am.  :cheer: ie. I put my own needs first. :thumbup:

I did my resiliency exercises before sleep and even wrote a Highly Recommended/Could list. Highly Rec. helped me take my meds this morning :thumbup: 

Three Roses

I really like that you chose to respond to your client's email on Monday.  :cheer:

sanmagic7

i'm gonna join in with a  :cheer: for you, and another  :cheer: for all you're accomplishing.  well done :thumbup:, my dear. so very glad for you that you were able to give yourself a  :cheer: as you do so for your students.  you all deserve it!  love and hugs :hug:

Blueberry

Thank you both  :)  :hug:

____________

I made 2 bits of progress today.
1) I accepted that this was just going to be a slow day and a day in which I was going to have to divide all errands and tasks into the tiniest steps in order to even start them. My acceptance of the necessity is new. :thumbup: :cheer:

2) I was able to touch my lower back and then even gluteus maxiumus and even enjoy the warmth of my hands in both places (big progress due to CSA).

I got slightly triggered after touching but only slightly (progress no. 3) and I feel that the slight triggering was worth it (progress no. 4) considering the progress I made touching my own body.

5) I accepted that going into 2), rather than just 'putting it off', was a more important use of my time and energy than attempting to do more things on my Could list. In fact, it was after I was resting and touching that I had the energy to move on with a few errands.

As usual I discover new aspects while writing, this time that I made 5 bits of progress, not 2  ;)

sanmagic7

interesting how that works!  well done, blueberry! :thumbup:  you are moving forward so much lately, it's impressive.  thanks for sharing.  it's so good to see this for you :cheer:  love and hugs, my dear :hug:

Blueberry


Blueberry

On Oct. 1st and 2nd I wrote about a bunch of successes. The first post is so long I can't be bothered copying some of it into here, but that's what I'm referring back to.

My heating is up and running again though the hot water-heater maintenance has not been done and ll has not got back to me. ll doesn't know the heating is running again because a totally different maintenance guy got that going - the chimney sweep who also checks gas water-heaters :) :) I was super-happy about that. But ll doesn't know anything about it because he doesn't arrange for the chimney sweep to come.

So with ll not having got back to me despite my saying I didn't have any hot water for any purpose doesn't look too good to me. Seems as if I might have to start fighting again. Sigh. I find that so exhausting and so triggering to be brushed aside, not listened to though it is ll's job to deal.

With messy business toilet issue - I haven't approached ll yet because I'm still gathering my witness statements so to speak, but at least I'm on it and am getting some statements. In spite of everything, I do feel stronger and think I can speak more firmly "Tailor's behaviour is unacceptable, this has got to change. ll has to do it" oops. ll has said before he doesn't have to do anything. So I need to reword that in my mind. Nonetheless, I'm making progress.

I gave the other woman in the bldg a piece of my mind when she turned to me to solve the issue of the missing paper bin. About not helping me when I ask for it about some house or garden issue that everybody else is conveniently ignoring but then expecting me to solve an issue she was supposedly looking into. I'm not responsible for everything that goes wrong in house and garden. I do enough as it is! That's not actually boundary-setting, but it felt good to say that out loud instead of having it just bouncing around in my head. I managed to speak calmly too and not start spitting with rage.