It's been a while again...
I don't know, I have so many things to say and so much I'd love to share here but opening up is... extremely hard. I'm sorry I just kinda drop in and out, I'd love to come here more but it's just... hard.
As for what's been going on in my life: I'm regularly in therapy with an actual trauma specialist which is amazing, I have a psychiatrist appointment in April because I can't handle certain symptoms, mostly the anxiety stuff, without medical help at the moment. Convincing myself to see a psychiatrist has been really hard. I've received meds in the psych ward I was in when I was 16 but they did nothing for me and gave me some longer-lasting side effects but I'm ready to try again now. I'm a bit scared but I hope it'll go alright.
My wife and I are having our ups and downs, she's starting to become aware that certain things that happened in her past have been traumatic as well plus well, nursing as a profession is very stressful at the moment even without directly dealing with covid patients.
But we're very much aware we want to be in this together and we're both working on better futures together so... it's alright. Plus, we love each other and support each other as much as we possibly can so we're dealing.
I'm doing so much more than I used to which is super hard for me and I feel tired all the time but it's great going from barely functional to slowly building up a life I'm happy with. I wish I'd gotten there sooner but better in my thirties than never.
Anyway, that's about where I'm at at the moment. Hope you're all doing alright
