When Medication Plateaus and Therapy is Prescribed...

[Eris]

I've been on medication to help with my C-PTSD symptoms since February this year; and now much sooner than I had hoped I've hit a "plateau." My doc says that I need to find a therapist to help me process my triggers, because we are getting to the point where the medication is doing all it can do. Which is a bummer, because ... well it isn't "enough" medication, or I was hoping that the medication would plateau at a higher level of happiness, motivation, and less anxiety. Right now I'm on four medications and a couple of supplements. That seems like a lot. Some days I feel a bit brain damaged, and I wonder if that really can be healed after years of systematic abuse. At first I was livid that I was advised to see a therapist, now I am sort of resigned, and a bit hopeless about it. C-PTSD is such a hard thing to live with because at least for me it really limits my hope. I want to get better, I want to improve, but the payout sometimes is so f'in small compared to the emotional output and adrenal fatigue.

I've gone to therapy in the past, and it has not been a great experience. I really appreciate my Psychiatrist, and I think we have a candid and healthy relationship. Probably the best experience I've ever had. So I should be more optimistic about beginning the process of therapy. But I'm not. This might be unusual, but my spouse has gone to every meeting with me to my PSY. I feel safer with her there, because I get really stressed out and a forget what was said during a session, or I sometimes take something the wrong way and that ignites a fight and flight and ditch response. I do not really want my spouse at my therapist appointments, because it isn't couples therapy. I just still do not trust myself to not go into people pleasing mode, or be able to process and remember what is being said and discussed during and after a session accurately. I've been abused by both women and men, and I've had both male and female therapists in the past that have been pretty *. I also do not know if I have the patience to look for and vet several new people. But I guess that doesn't matter much, because a plateau is a plateau. I live in Florida. If anyone has any suggestions of therapists please feel free to DM me. Some of the advise and personal experience shared in the comments to my past posts has been really life changing.

I'm just sorry of meh. I'd rather meet a new friend that deal with doctors - but maybe that is the only way I'll meet a new friend. Ironic.

[Jazzy]

That sounds rough, sorry to hear you're having a bad time with this.

Its taken me over 5 years to find a good medication for me, and that is a short amount of time compared to some people. Maybe you or your spouse could push back a bit, because if you don't think your medication is good enough, then it isn't. I also can't believe you've been through all the medication options in four months. I'm not even sure that's possible if you tried a different one every day, which of course would be ineffective.

But, with that said, therapy is important... well, I think it is important to at least try. I haven't had the best luck personally, but it is really helpful for some, so its a good option to explore. Its understandable you don't want your spouse there. I wouldn't either, there's no way I could really participate properly with someone else there. As for not trusting yourself... again, its understandable, but it is a good thing to do. Its really okay if you don't remember everything said and what was discussed. It isn't a school examination. I'd go so far as to say that if you can remember everything, than it isn't going to be very effective. Trauma is a really, deep, overwhelming thing, and its okay to have those reactions.

Meeting a new friend sounds like a good idea too. I hope you can pull it off, and that things work out for you.

[Eris]

Thanks Jazzy,
It was important to know about taking the time and that the time can span over several years to get the medication right. You are right I have not tried every medication. In the past I tried some medications that did not work, so I'm hesitant to change medication that works better but not as well as I would hope. Thanks for the encouragement to speak with my PSY.

What you said about giving myself some space to be I guess "unperfect" in my therapy sessions and that it isn't about remembering everything. It is going to be hard to enter into a relationship with an authority figure and give up on the notions of perfection and control. Your response really helped me to connect with those possibly counter intuitive approaches to any upcoming therapy.

Stay Well and Be Safe and Thank you,
Eris