Faith & self-hatred

[Marian82]

I have this issue i struggle with always. I hate myself. I hate who i am and i hate how i lived my life. I made a total mess. I have c-ptsd and psychosis and cant be there for anyone.

I believe in God. I believe He is love, He is the Creator of all things. I see His hand when i look at nature or loving people. I want to follow Jesus.

Just...

I cant believe im "good enough" for God. I know people say nobody is good enough...but i fear im REALLY not good enough.

Uhm...help? Any ideas on how to deal with that?

[woodsgnome]

Jesus' own life seems filled with doubts and even a tinge of self-hatred. At least that's what I sense from reading between the lines, as it were. His is definitely not a story of continuous self-confidence or triumph -- it only seems so in retrospect.

I view the word 'faith' as being open-ended; as opposed to belief, which is cast in stone. So if faith is open-ended, there is a sense that we're able to find a way through, living the questions instead of always having ready answers. Possibility may seem dim, but not impossible.

Living with the questions, I've even run into some surprising answers. I once thought it would be impossible to get to this point in my life; I was utterly bereft of hope, and many days are still a struggle, with self-hatred a constant factor. I've tried a zillion ways to get beyond the self-hate part, but it sticks like super-glue. Point being, though -- I did somehow survive despite great odds. I have found it easier to drop expectations of how it's all supposed to be, even while striving to maintain the faith that I'll make it. It's odd how that works, but it seems to.

I hope that makes a little sense, and that you can find ways to feel better about yourself, too.

 

[Three Roses]

Self hatred seems to be an unavoidable facet of human existence.

The Bible says that God is no respecter of men - that is, he does not esteem one person above another. His love is equally applied to all, and he wants the best for each person.

You said -

I believe in God. I believe He is love, He is the Creator of all things. I see His hand when I look at nature or loving people. I want to follow Jesus.

and I believe that, too.

But if we really believe that, then we must accept that he sees us the same as he sees everyone else.  He sees each believer through a filter. Either he loves and accepts us, or he loves and accepts no one.

Feelings come and go, but acceptance seems to stick around. Accepting God's love seems easier than trying to feel I'm worthy of it.

You are worthy of love, as everyone is. Just because.

[Not Alone]

His love for us is completely about who he is, not who we are or being good enough. Feeling badly about ourselves because of how we were treated by others in the past makes it even harder to take in his care. There is no quick, easy answer. I would suggest tell him honestly how you feel and what you think and keep talking to him.

[sanmagic7]

i believe god is love.  that being said, i also believe love is all encompassing.  love itself does not judge so it finds no one better or worse, more or less deserving.  we, here on this forum, are all fighting to break the cycle of abuse, to make even our small part of the world a better place.   jesus also fought to make the world a better place.   you are part of that fight, marian, by being here.  you need never sell yourself short - love never will. 

sending love and hugs

[Marian82]

Thanks all of you, for your kind and valuable messages. Reading them helps.

[Boatsetsailrose]

I've found as I've done healing through trauma therapy and my self hatred has now turned to a sometimes being hard on myself... I have started to believe that a higher power loves me