Sadness...

[Boatsetsailrose]

Feel sad today and that is OK.. Sometimes I do.
No psychoanalysis just sad feelings..
Laying here thinking I wish I had a mother.. But the reality is I do, and she is far too unwell and unstable to be near. Its always been this way. Sometimes I'd like to speak to someone who understands from a different perspective someone who has a well mother. But then if someone says how sad it is and how I deserve to have one I don't really feel anything because it's not how it is.. And what's the point of morning.
However, today here on my own I feel it. I wish I had a mother.
I used to think I was adopted and one day I'd find my family, I believed this.
Wouldn't that be something. I've had recent contact with my m after yrs and it went horribly wrong so hence its raw.
It would be so nice to have a m that was caring, thoughtful, loving, kind, patient, nurturing.. In fact I wouldn't mind not changing m just having the one I've got we have a lot in common..
My f has a real father that he never met, he was an American pilot during the 2nd World War.. I could have a whole family I've never met. My f is 74 and doesn't want to do any tracing. I'd like to I think . I might find my that my f has half brother /sister they would be my uncle or aunt,, cousins etc..
Thing is all I have is my grandfather's name no dob.. No other info..
And if existing family don't know about my f they won't be looking...
It's a long shot..
And then to feel. Connected to people who are connected to someone I never met...

Urrrrr

[Three Roses]

I used to think I was adopted and one day I'd find my family, I believed this.

I remember feeling this as a child.

I've considered doing Ancestry or 23&me or hindering, to locate relatives. I'm uncomfortable, tho, about signing over ownership of my DNA lol. Seems sketchy somehow.