Activity 2, Professional help: "Empty chair" technique.

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C.

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Re: Activity 2, Professional help: "Empty chair" technique.
« Reply #15 on: April 12, 2015, 10:32:34 PM »
VF your story gives me so much hope.  No words really, just a little tearful w/gratitude.  Thanks. :hug:

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anosognosia

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Re: Activity 2, Professional help: "Empty chair" technique.
« Reply #16 on: April 18, 2015, 09:20:07 PM »
My father and I haven't talked in a few years, and my M contacts me once a month or so.

Last week I missed a phone call where she left a message. I wanted to say:
"Why do you call me? I find it to be a very phony pretense to act like we have a rapport.

What do you want from me? Whatever it is I wish for you to identify it and give it to yourself. It's a little hypocritical of you to be needy with me, because the way I was raised - I needed a lot from you, and I didn't really get those needs met."

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C.

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Re: Activity 2, Professional help: "Empty chair" technique.
« Reply #17 on: April 18, 2015, 09:56:14 PM »
Wow Anosgosia.  Those are exactly the words I need for my M.  To simply refer her back to herself.  It's compassionate and true and protects you.  I watched a movie that ended w/the daughter saying something along those lines to her NPD M.  It's powerful.

I would say "Whatever it is that you need from me I cannot give it to you.  You need to find it inside yourself or elsewhere."  and in response to her comment about year ago that she wants to spend more time w/me, "I'm an adult now. I believe that your parenting was not good enough to provide me with healthy social-emotional develop.  The opportunity to parent me has ended.  I cannot get what I need from you either.  If you want friendship or companionship, please find that elsewhere.  I am your daughter.   I can take it from here myself."  and if I got a positive response then "I've learned over the past couple of years that being around you and dad together for me is too stressful.  I prefer to see each of you independently.  I also have found that I can enjoy playing cards together, watching shows, and sometimes hiking.  I am not sure about the frequency and cannot commit to times.  It depends on how things go."