Outer critic

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Boatsetsailrose

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Outer critic
« on: May 04, 2020, 02:20:35 PM »
Hi all
Not sure if this is posted in the right place?
I've just had a lightbulb moment...
I had recent contact with Ubpd m and it went done Hill rapidly. When I made the decison to go NC again (3 Rd time lucky) I was surprised I didn't go into EF although I did when we were in contact.
However I had about 1.5 wks of severe Outer Critic I can now see this was a fear response. It was playing out in all my thinking /interactions with people in my life.. A loud critical /judgemental everyone is stupid useless and I need to control them. I've read about outer critic before but what has happened is i haven't seen it so clearly as a fear response and also that it's my m voice projecting through me towards others... Basically what she did and does like 24/7.
I feel a relief from both these realisations.. Once I got a hold of why and how I began to take hold and come back to self compassion and compassion and acceptance of others as good enough. Things now have resumed to a sembelence of normal which I'm most pleased about.
I don't know where outer critic posts are put on the board and I get the feeling this isn't the right thread..
Anyone know?


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woodsgnome

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Re: Outer critic
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2020, 03:00:54 PM »
Odd how the inner workings can act like a boomerang or teeter-totter. The inner critic does seem to garner lots of attention, can especially induce guilt, shame, and all the rest.

And then there's icr's cousin, Outer. I think we don't notice it so much, being external, nonetheless it too can exacerbate our problems. The whole circuit goes haywire once the inner and outer start revving up our resistance to all of life.

But Outer Critic too starts internally, often directly traced to abusive patterns during our early years. Those internal effects are natural responses to hurt, but then expand as ingrained habits. An inability to trust becomes a major side effect that can cripple us in fear -- I know it did that to me. Starting from early on, I became suspicious that the next person would be like the last ones -- mean and possibly much worse.

Recognizing this is definitely a first step -- the rest is exhausting to even think about, and harder to get a handle on. It's so natural to continue living with outer critic assumptions which, left alone, can deteriorate one's response to any and all people.

What to do is always the prize question. Recognizing it, though -- that's the key to at least know its effects. And all of this adds up to more reasons cptsd is, and is called, a complex condition.

One more predicament can be a descent into self-blame about strong outer critic tendencies. No! It's a natural impulse, as mentioned, so I guess it's equally important not to take outer critic recognition and collapse it back into inner critic's eagerness to self-blame.

Thanks for this reminder about it, Boatsetsailrose -- hope that your lightbulb moment can continue to produce some relief for your own inner/outer life.  :hug:


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Three Roses

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Re: Outer critic
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2020, 04:30:21 PM »
Quote
I feel a relief from both these realisations.. Once I got a hold of why and how I began to take hold and come back to self compassion and compassion and acceptance of others as good enough. Things now have resumed to a sembelence of normal which I'm most pleased about.

It's so great you've had these realizations! That's what I call recovery!  :cheer: :applause:

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Outer critic
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2020, 02:38:05 PM »
Yes, it's so easy for outter to become inner... But grateful I get to see it a bit more clearly these days..
After all this is an attachment disorder.. I don't like that part of cptsd... But am so pleased my attachment is the best it's ever been with myself... And nope resting hey... Now a whole new area of relating outwardly... Gee... This is work!
But I am going to give myself a bit of a break I think... I'm just ending CAT therapy and need to allow myself space..
Perfectionism can jump on for me and I expect a great deal of myself..
Breathe take space let life flow for a bit boat's...

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Lilypad

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Re: Outer critic
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2020, 09:00:58 PM »
Personally I have a really strong outer critic (that I just hear internally in my head, I don't tend to actually verbally criticise others). It kicks off when I feel at all ashamed or criticised. On the other hand, it is really hard for me to hear my inner critic. I think what happens is that something triggers my inner critic, which brings up shame. That is too painful to stay with, so, bam, the outer critic forcefully takes over. I have a sense I need to get to know the inner critic better, so that I can break the whole chain of reactivity...

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Outer critic
« Reply #5 on: June 09, 2020, 08:10:41 PM »
Good insight lily pad... Its interesting to start to see the relationship between the 2...therapy has helped me a lot to be more in touch with inner critic