Avoiding sleep

Started by owl25, May 07, 2020, 02:11:16 AM

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owl25

I'm having difficulty going to sleep at night. No matter how tired I am, I feel anxiety about having to go to sleep. I end up staying up much later than I should, and don't get enough sleep. Waking up in the morning feels like the worst part of my day. It's like the reality of the past and present is inescapable. I can't seem to break this pattern. Anyone else struggle with something like this? What can I do about it?

Not Alone

Quote from: owl25 on May 07, 2020, 02:11:16 AM
Waking up in the morning feels like the worst part of my day. It's like the reality of the past and present is inescapable.
Often the past is very near to me in the morning. On days when I have to work or have another commitment, it is really hard. There are times when I'm getting ready for the day and I have to say to myself, "no, you can not curl up in a ball. Do the next step. Brush your teeth (or whatever)." If I don't have a commitment, I allow myself time to comfort myself and slowly come back into 2020.

The following are ideas for sleep and cptsd.
https://www.beautyafterbruises.org/blog/nighttime101
https://www.beautyafterbruises.org/blog/nighttime201


woodsgnome

#2
Sometimes I can feel that there's no way I won't get to sleep, and fast; and within a few minutes that goes by the boards, my 'spooks' (voices of my abusers echoing from the past) take over, I freeze, fight the pillow, dive under as if I'm shielding myself.

It's taken quite a bit of work to make headway, but the mere act of shouting back has worked. Then I visualize angels guarding the bed. The bad thoughts seem to hover, ready to pounce, but it seems lesser since I started doing this. Then there's my old standby -- humour. I know this might seem odd, but it's like changing the channel, and they come back as distorted buffoons. They begin, in my mind, to shape-shift until I start laughing at the clumsy, stumbling, sorry versions they were, once their masks were off.

While I would never treat anyone in real life that way, as my T reminds me, my life now is asking me to respond in kind -- even if it's 'only' in retrospect, it can at least settle me to feel like I finally was able to respond.

This approach is not a recommendation; just an example that has worked a little for me (but not always -- yet). Everyone is different, and might not be comfortable with any of this. Even I wasn't, and there are certain abusers who are just impossible to laugh at, or with (my m is the worst -- can't laugh at anything she did).

If any of this is helpful, that's great. At the very least, I wanted to point out you are not alone with these night frights.  :hug: 

marta1234

I feel you, owl25. For a long time, since I've opened up to my past, I've been struggling with sleep anxiety and fear of it. For me, just being compassionate to myself and showing empathy that I'm having trouble with this, is a huge step for me. For now, doing new techniques and creating a new plan for going to bed seems too daunting, or too scary.

Hopefully you have found a new way to help. Wishing you the best, and a hug if it's ok :hug: .

owl25

Thanks for the links, notalone. I'm not glad that you experience the past being so present in the morning, but it is a comfort that someone else understands this. How do you see it? Do you see it as a flashback?

Sorry to hear you have this trouble too, woodsgnome. Getting enough sleep is important for coping but I can never properly relax. I never wake up well rested either.

marta1234 I can relate, trying to do something about it feels too much. So I continue to just muddle on :(

Not Alone

For me it isn't always the same. Some mornings I wake up from a bad dream and the feelings remain. Sometimes I'm in a flashback. I have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) so a lot of times my Littles/Parts are active at night and in the morning. Then whatever they are thinking, feeling, remembering is very present and strong.