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[Bruised Reed]

I have dealt with a lifetime of abuse from a uNPDM and an enF. My brother has always been the GC while I was the SG. I've known for many years that something was wrong, but I didn't have a name to put on it until this past fall. EnF died last Spring and NM went from about a 6 to a 20 inner craziness and abuse. In an attempt to find a way to deal with her, I started doing research and discovered PDs. i've been NC with her for 5 months, but have found, in some ways, the anxiety and fight or flight response to be worse now. I've started reading Pete Walker's book and realize that it's very likely I have CPTSD and am trying to figure out my path as I deal with all of this and get healthy.

[keepfighting]

Hi, Bruised Reed,

nice to meet you on this forum! 

I'm always in two minds about meeting another SG because on the one hand I feel very sorry for you for all you had to go through and on the other hand I know that us SGs are the most likely to go looking for help and brake the cycle of abuse. So, in a twisted way, that makes us as SGs the 'lucky' ones, the strong ones and the most likely to get emotionally healthier.

Pete Walker's book is a gem but it's also quite disconcerting at times. I have to read it little by little otherwise it's just too overwhelming for me. Hopefully you'll find empathy and validation here and know that you're not alone. 

kf

[Bruised Reed]

I'm finding I have to work very slowly through the book. It's too much for me to handle all at once.

[Kizzie]

Hi and welcome to OOTS Bruised Reed    glad to hear you are going slowly.  As KF suggested its a lot to take in.

I was the LC and SG in childhood then became the GC when I succeeded in my career - that's a PD FOO for you! I don't know if you've seen our sister site yet Out of the Fog but there is some great info there about PDs. 

I hope you will find lots of helpful resources here as well. 

[C.]

Hello Bruised Reed, I too come from a C-PTSD engendering family like Walker describes it.  Most everything was Covert and emotions were always neglected.  I'm sorry for your experience, no child should be treated the way that you were treated.  Ever.  I admire your courage to reach out to this community and trust that you will find healing on your journey.  Welcome.

[Rrecovery]

Hi Bruised Reed and Welcome    They say awareness is the first step to healing, but as we here know all too well, awareness of PDs and that we have Cptsd is very disorienting and difficult to come to terms with.  I remember the first time I went NC with my uNM, it felt really stressful.  I knew I was doing the right thing in my head, but my core programming which I felt in my heart and gut was telling me I was wrong and bad.  My heart goes out to you.  I'm glad you found our forum, it is a safe and nurturing place.  Glad you're here