My manager is a bully

Started by Gromit, August 09, 2023, 06:28:34 AM

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Gromit

Hi, I managed to get a part time regular job in January, I look after the finances in a small company, the owner has several businesses, he is rarely there. The manager is always there, in the same office, has been there when the previous owners owned it, he has been there for decades, and is a couple of years younger than me. He is a 🍆 .

Yesterday, for some unknown reason (I was focussing on my job so I do not know why he said it) but he said 'I will pay for some kick-boxing classes for Gromit, because she is soft as 💩' I believe it was supposed to be a joke. Maybe a reflection on my approach to getting money out of customers who take a long time to pay.

When I was a kid (about age 9) almost the whole of my class at school started calling me 'Walter the Softy' a character from the Beano (comic). That was the first major bullying, there had been various other bullying before, but not by so many people at once, and it had a major effect on me.

So, I think the comment triggered the stuff from childhood, I had heartburn on and off for the rest of the day.

For context, the manager makes comments about a member of staff who has counselling in works time, and is on pills. Like that is anybody's business at work? He should not be telling everyone. It does not affect the man's work, or how he is with everyone.

I guess I wonder what to do, how to handle it? So far, my default is to freeze and keep quiet, but I have told my family, which is progress. Now I have some up to date work experience I could look for another job but there are bullies everywhere and I like the hours and the flexibility as I have my own business teaching classes.

G

Kizzie

Gromit, that is absolutely not on. No wonder you had heartburn! I'm not pressuring you to do so, but it has been my experience that bullies do back down when you stand up to them and assert your boundaries. It doesn't have to be aggressive, but a firm, clear statement that you do not appreciate being called soft (or anything for that matter), that you will be treated with respect or you will leave. It may be a bit scary but it actually feels good when you do it or at least that's what I found. 


NarcKiddo

Perhaps you should pressure him to pay for those classes, so you can kick him!

He sounds obnoxious. Kizzie is right that bullies usually back down when challenged. That said I have worked in the past with people who have been in jobs for decades and they can often consider themselves invincible and indispensable. They aren't of course, but if your company does not have good HR support then you could have problems. Any threat needs to be something you can and are prepared to do if necessary.

I wonder if an option might be first to try standing up for the man who has counselling when the manager says things about him? That way you are not indicating to the manager what might be getting to you personally but you are showing that you are not Softy Walter. (I remember him!) Also it may be that other colleagues don't really like how the manager talks and they may support you.

Just throwing some thoughts out here. I am sorry you are having to deal with this bully.

Gromit

Quote from: NarcKiddo on August 09, 2023, 03:41:20 PMPerhaps you should pressure him to pay for those classes, so you can kick him!



I wonder if an option might be first to try standing up for the man who has counselling when the manager says things about him? That way you are not indicating to the manager what might be getting to you personally but you are showing that you are not Softy Walter. (I remember him!) Also it may be that other colleagues don't really like how the manager talks and they may support you.


My husband suggested the same thing, pointing out that he might not like it if somebody spoke about him in that way. It's just finding that right moment. Unless I can use him for kick boxing target practice.

The newest member of staff has her own issues with the manager, I think everyone does.

Thank you for responding.

G

Armee

Oh my gosh what an awful person

Kizzie

And going to HR of course, if you have a good HR dept that is. AT the very least they should make a report and paperwork adds up over time. 

Gromit

Quote from: Kizzie on August 10, 2023, 01:38:42 PMAnd going to HR of course, if you have a good HR dept that is. AT the very least they should make a report and paperwork adds up over time. 
Unfortunately, Kizzie, it is a very small business, no HR.

G

Kizzie


blue_sky

Aw Gromit, your post struck a chord with me.

In my previous workplace, my manager used to call me "Chin up, buttercup" and I hated it. I kept quiet for years.

Then during COVID lockdown, I had to tell her that being alone in the office for weeks took a toll on me and it's affecting my mental health. Then she replied "Chin up, buttercup. Don't be such a drama queen."

I couldn't take it anymore so I got HR involved and her manager involved too. It was a multinational corporate office yet everyone was so diplomatic and wouldn't take any harsh action.

Sadly after months of having weekly meetings with HR and her boss, I decided that it's better off for me to leave the toxic workplace.


I hope things work out for you. I'd definitely encourage standing up against them but if that doesn't work then leaving such a toxic place can be the next best option. It definitely has been for me.

And if anything, we are not the weak or soft ones. THEY ARE! who feed on bullying or belittling others!

 :hug: if that's okay.

Gromit

Quote from: blue_sky on August 10, 2023, 10:47:04 PM
Quote from: blue_sky on August 10, 2023, 10:47:04 PMAnd if anything, we are not the weak or soft ones. THEY ARE! who feed on bullying or belittling others!

 :hug: if that's okay.

Quite, we are. Hugs are always ok from fellow OOTS friends.

It is a small place, a franchise. The manager has been there for decades, the present owner, maybe 2 years. There are 3 people in the workshop, but one has just left, there is the manager in the office, but he also does the other work. A designer, who has been there since June, she already is p***ed with him. The previous designer was there 6 months. And me, the accounts person, I am part time and don't really know anything about the work, just the finances.

There is a pretty high turnover in staff, so far, in my 8 months there, except for the manager.

I am only 2 years older than him and work places have changed a lot since I first started work....... As he has not moved, I think he struggles to accept that. He accepted the previous owners old way of working. He is not strong, he hasn't put himself out there, tried to do something else. And when he does tell me to do something which a customer may not like, and I hold the line, stick to the plan, they call him and he gives them a whole load of flannel, blaming me, and let's them dictate terms. The audacity, when I am there, listening, is unbelievable.

But, hey I have learnt how to use the new accounting software, and use more technology, done some credit control, it all makes me more employable.

G