Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *

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Tee

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Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« on: June 06, 2020, 05:25:28 AM »
Itís been a while since I posted and a lot has happened.  After my friend lost her little one,I spiraled with flashbacks and memory loops from when I lost a baby too. It wasnít pretty and I struggled to get out of bed each day.

 Then on an up swing I got a new job in the ER as a Mental Health Tech. I started orientation the week before covid shut down happened lucky me. So Iíve been a front line worker through all of this at a childrenís hospital.  Loving the job change, not the covid timing. 

Being mom, teacher, and student, working and being isolated from my support people has been really rough.

Pulled put Aís in my classes by the skin of my teeth. Not exactly sure how. Glad I have a break for the summer, and just have to figure out how to pay for the fall. :stars:

My kids are getting really stir crazy which is getting really hard for me to deal with, itís triggering me really bad right not, cause Iím not sleeping and I can feel myself losing my temper and I want to reach the way my NM did. I donít but I have to really fight the urge.

My heart and head continue to rage and war against each other. Iím ready for peace. But donít see it in sight.

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Snowdrop

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Re: Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2020, 06:42:46 AM »
Good to see you, Tee. The current situation is crazy, but well done on classes and for getting the new job. :hug:

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Hope67

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Re: Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2020, 11:53:51 AM »
Dear Tee,
Welcome back.  It's good to see you again.  I can see that you've been through a lot since you were last here.  Well done for your new job, and your class results, and hope that you get some peace in your Summer break - although I know you've got a lot on your plate, and especially with the current situation - wishing you the best, and sending you a hug  :hug:
Hope  :)

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Tee

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Re: Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2020, 12:58:44 PM »
Thank you Hope, and Snowdrop I appreciate the hugs and support.  :hug:

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Three Roses

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Re: Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2020, 02:57:06 PM »
Welcome back! Thank you for being on the front lines. And good job for getting A's, that's a lot of hard work and studying!
 :heythere:

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notalone

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Re: Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« Reply #5 on: June 07, 2020, 12:41:42 AM »
Glad to hear from you, Tee.  :hug:

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Tee

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Re: Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« Reply #6 on: June 07, 2020, 01:08:26 AM »
 :wave: thanks notalone and 3R  :hug:

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Bach

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Re: Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« Reply #7 on: June 08, 2020, 03:27:26 AM »
Welcome back, Tee! I have been wondering how you were doing.  :hug:

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Tee

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Re: Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« Reply #8 on: June 10, 2020, 06:24:40 PM »
Thanks Bach.
There was a big thunderstorm that rolled through today. We have gone on a little vacation to visit my husbands family which has been a good way to my current loop. Which Iím thankful for. My kids have actually transitioned back to precovid baseline which is good. 

 Back to this storm As I sit watching this storm roll in I wished that rain could wash away the junk in my mind.  The sheets were coming down and I just wished it could wash my brain.  And that flash of lighting and clap of thunder could scare me not because of my past but rather the uncertainty of the future.  One day, one day I hope that a storm will wash away My struggles. Until then my storms will come and go and I will weather them. Waiting for the one with the rainbow at the end.  Thanks for the support.

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Hope67

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Re: Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« Reply #9 on: June 12, 2020, 07:46:54 PM »
Hi Tee,
I saw a rainbow tonight.  I hope you find the rainbow  you're seeking at the end, and I like your image of the rain washing away the junk in the mind.  I think that would be amazing too, and I wish you some peace and I hope that your vacation goes well visiting your husband's family.
 :hug:
Hope  :)

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Snowdrop

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Re: Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2020, 11:38:57 AM »
Your words made me feel as though I was sitting watching the storm with you. :hug:

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Tee

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Re: Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« Reply #11 on: June 24, 2020, 03:32:11 PM »
Thank you Hope and snowdrop.

*TW*
Iíve been struggling with memories from early in life. I have hit a wall weírei feel like little me is struggling to understand why no one cared she was abused by the babysitter or my mom.  Itís hard to process how to move past the abuse that made me in visible, allowed for so much more abuse and hurt as I grew into my teen years.

Struggling to find a way out of the memory loop and processing sludge.

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notalone

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Re: Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« Reply #12 on: June 24, 2020, 10:28:18 PM »
To Little Tee: I am sorry that no one paid attention when you were young. You are seen and I care about you.

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Tee

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Re: Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« Reply #13 on: June 25, 2020, 12:27:02 AM »
No one cares about mme. :no:  Iím invisible. :disappear: Only Ttteeís T friend knows mme. Iím too little to to be around much, but thanks nnotalone.

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notalone

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Re: Teeís 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« Reply #14 on: June 25, 2020, 01:58:20 AM »
No one cares about mme. :no:  Iím invisible. :disappear: Only Ttteeís T friend knows mme. Iím too little to to be around much, but thanks nnotalone.
Sweet little one, I care about you. If it feels safe, I'd like to give you a gentle hug.  :hug: