Tee’s 2nd try journal* trigger warning *

[sanmagic7]

i agree with armee all the way.  supporting you no matter what you decide.  taking care of you first is always important.  sending love and a hug filled with what's best for you.

[Tee]

  thanks San as always I appreciate your love and support. Will keep posting as I go through the week.😏🙂

[Tee]

  well I went to the police and reported my year long trauma. From when I was 15 and 16.  I'm struggling to stay present now and am now not sure what will happen now. Scared that I will have to see him.

[Armee]

Wow! That is so big and important. That is a very very difficult thing to do. I wouldn't know I can only imagine how you are feeling right now. Please please please take extra good care of yourself and let us know: what do you most need to hear from us?

[Tee]

  thank you Armee I'm not sure what I need. I'm just struggling currently with knowing what to do now. The detective said that they now have to track him down and since it was so long ago they have to get his side of things. So who knows what will come off it if anything.

[Snowdrop]

Wow, Tee, that's huge! That's so courageous of you, particularly with everything else you have going on. Well done!

I hope you can be extra gentle with yourself after something like that. I'm here offering support, hugs, soft blankets, comforting drinks and anything else you need.

[Tee]

  thank you snowdrop in trying. I'm mostly scared at this point that he has thought of me for years and now he will come after me.

[Snowdrop]

I understand the fear, Tee. When I think about doing just tiny things regarding any of my abusers, I get really scared and find it hard to function. What you have done is much bigger, so I think feeling scared is a normal reaction.

But Tee, please know that you're safe. It's in hand, you're safe, and we're all here for you.

Here is a big hug of safety, love and support.

[Armee]

Snowdrop said it quite well. This is what makes it such a courageous and selfless act for you to have reported.

Tee, it'll be normal for this to stir up a lot of symptoms.  Present moment, present moment, present moment. Every minute,  every second if you need: "Where am I?" "I am here _______" "Am I currently right this second safe?" "Yes, right now everything is ok and I am safe."

[Tee]

  thank you both Armee and Snowdrop I know that right now I'm safe. But if they actually to after him. For the first time in many years he will think of me. I'm afraid he will look me up and then what if he comes after me or my family.  
I'm just not sure what possessed me when I walked into the police station.😔   

Now it's out there and I'm not sure how to stop flipping and calm down enough to stop cycling through the horror he put me through.  It's totally stressing my puppy out.😣😔😥

[Snowdrop]

 

This is just a thought, but is it worth telling the detective these fears? I can imagine how this is, and I wondered if the detective might be able to offer some reassurances.

[Tee]

  thanks Snowdrop I don't want to bother him in pretty sure he doesn't want me bothering him a bunch on a case that's over twenty years old.😣😔😥

[Armee]

Tee, maybe the detective would love nothing more than to offer reassurance to someone who suffered and continues to suffers.

But if calling the detective feels too much, how about a domestic violence or sexual assault hotline. Anyone working those lines would know about the process and the feelings of reporting and may have some reassurance or tips for you. 

[Hope67]

Hi Tee,
I just wanted to say that I hope that you and your puppy are managing to cope today - I want to send you both a safe hug, if that's ok 

I had a thought about the detective and that was that the detective is likely to want to help, and to support you.  I would think that would be likely.  But I do understand your fears about everything you've expressed.

Hope 

[Tee]

  so made it home last night called the police at home today and the city police basically said there's nothing they can do if he shows up then call. Got to love City cops.