Tee’s 2nd try journal* trigger warning *

[Not Alone]

 

[sanmagic7]

still with you, tee, even if i haven't been around.  you're in my heart, tho.  love and hugs

[Tee]

TW
what is wrong with me
The scares to deep to see
Soul crushed before the age of four
Abused in everyway behind my door

What is wrong with me
Told I was bad and trash daily
A murder no good useless
At three how can I be faultless

What is wrong with me
My mommy only yells when she
Sees anything it's all my faults
Not the bad thing done by adults

What is wrong with me
Invisible to most I've learned to be
Except those who pretend to love
Those trick each time check pros above

What's wrong with me
Life hasn't been easy
From the start I've lost
My innocence faith hope all at what cost

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME
IS NOONE CARED TO SEE
THE BRUISES WHERE BRUSHED ASIDE
NO ASKED BECAUSE OF PRIDE

that's what's wrong with me
Invisible unable to see
Broken from the start
With too trusting a crushed heart

[Hope67]

Dear Tee,
Sending you a safe and loving hug of protection and safety    Whenever you've written 'what is wrong with me' my thoughts are 'there is NOTHING wrong with you' - you are precious and the bad things done by the adults, they were WRONG to do those things.  They should have kept you safe and looked after you.  Someone should have seen, and cared to see.  Protect you, and look after you.

I hope you don't mind my reply to your poem.  You've expressed so much, and I want to send you another hug.   
Hope    (I always like to put my smiley after my name, and I want to smile with you Tee, but I feel angry at the adults in your life, who should have cared about you, and seen you and protected you.  I therefore hope you see my smile as a caring one.  I see you.  I care about you.

[Not Alone]

Tee, heartbreaking. I agree with Hope. There is nothing wrong with you. There was something wrong with the adults who should have protected you.

[Tee]

  thank you Hope and notalone, I'm stuck in a pit trying to get out. Writing sometimes helps get the junk out of my head for a little while but right now more just keeps piling on. I feeling like I'm being burried alive. At times I can't breathe most of the time I can't sleep, not sure how I still put together a similence of functioning.  The struggle to stay present and alive is real.  Thanks for your kind words. And care it helps keep me going.

[Bach]

I'm in much the same place as you right now, Tee, but I'm here and I care and am sending hugs and good thoughts 

[Tee]

  thanks Bach I feel the same about you.

[sanmagic7]

dear tee, i echo everyone who says there's nothing wrong with you - there is something definitely wrong with anyone who didn't protect you and care for and about you. i believe that as children, we, of course, trust with our whole hearts. we have to because the adults in our lives are supposed to keep us safe, and we have no other choice at that age but to trust with everything we have.  that's not a fault of ours - it's a human characteristic.  just like our emotions, trust is part of our dna when we're born.  it's only thru neg. experiences that we need to learn not to trust as a child does. (sometimes that comes sooner for some than others).

i'm with you, my dear, sitting, giving you a shoulder to lean on if you need it.  please, keep taking care of you - i care about you a lot.  love and hugs

[Tee]

  thanks San I care a lot about you too thanks for the kind words and support

[Hope67]

Hi Tee,
I was just thinking of you, so thought I'd pop by and send you a hug 
Hope 

[Tee]

  thanks hope that means a lot.

[Snowdrop]

I've just been catching up with your journal, and I wanted to say that I agree with the others. There's nothing wrong with you. You should have been cherished and protected.

Sending you big hugs.

[Tee]

  thanks snowdrop!  Missed you!

[sanmagic7]

with you, tee.  love and hugs