Tee’s 2nd try journal* trigger warning *

[sanmagic7]

i get it, tee, the hard to breathe part.  i'm just glad you're still doing so, even during this rough time.  sending love and a hug filled with your favorite scented flowers - maybe they'll help you keep breathing, lift your spirits a bit.

[Not Alone]

I get hard to breathe too. Do what you can to bring comfort to yourself. On my worse days, laying on the floor with my bear, and being totally covered with a blanket, feels the safest. 

[Tee]

  thank you San and notalone. Your support means a lot.

[Hope67]

Dear Tee,
I am sending you a hug, and thinking of you.  I hope that you are able to breathe better, and I wish you the best.   
Hope 

[Tee]

Thank you Hope.
My life is still very stressful October is a hard month for me.  I'm making it day by day. It's hard to write about me right now.

[sanmagic7]

sometimes it's very much enough just to get from one day to the next.  you're doing that, and i'm glad about it.

i hope october smooths out for you, dear tee.  love and hugs

[Not Alone]

Tee, I about for you. 

[Tee]

TW
I have been struggling a lot since Wednesday. Today is a trauma anniversary.  Every year I'm paralyzed by there past.  This year is so bad I can't push through and do my school work. I look at and my head starts spinning and then it's flashbacks.

I feel so dumb.  I'm not there he can't hurt me anymore. But my head replays it over and over till my body aches, and I can't function.  I tried all day today to my school work and I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I feel like a failure because I can't overcome this crap.

[Snowdrop]

You're not dumb, Tee, and you're not a failure. Your reaction to a trauma anniversary is completely understandable. I get it.

Is there anything you can do to bring comfort to yourself? Can I bring you a cup of tea or a soft blanket?

Sending you safe, gentle hugs. Here for you.

[Tee]

  thank snowdroo

[sanmagic7]

if you want some company, we don't have to talk if you don't want, i'll just sit by your side.  maybe in a favorite place of yours until this passes.  i echo snowdrop - you're not dumb, nor a failure. trauma anniversaries are extremely difficult to navigate.  we've got you, tee.  much love and hugs

[Tee]

Thanks San!
Still struggling it doesn't help that my T is on vacation. But trying to survive.  Turned in a paper not sure it will get a good grade but it won't be a zero.😏.

Haven't slept for five days more than an hour or two a night. Tomorrow I have my first day of clinicals for 8 hours and go directly to work from 7p to 7a so that should interesting. 😖☹️😭

I'm not sure how that will go as I'm still struggling so much.
Thanks for being with me.

[Hope67]

Dear Tee,
I hope that you get through your first day of clinicals ok - that sounds like such a lot, and I wanted to send you a supportive hug 

Well done for turning in that paper.  Especially after struggling with your sleep for so long - I really hope you can get some more sleep.  Another hug  and wishes that you might sleep better tonight.
Hope 

[Tee]

Thank you Hope,
I made through yesterday. The clinical was interesting. Then working 12 hour overnight shift.  Being awake for over 24 hours actually made it so I was out of for a little bit today enough that I drooled on my pillow.  I don't think of dinner that since I was a kid.     Anyway I got some sleep today. Thanks for the hugs.

[Hope67]

Glad you got some sleep Tee.   
Hope