Tee’s 2nd try journal* trigger warning *

[Armadillo]

Hey,

Like, Hope, I wish I could have been there for you and your littles. And when it is safe to feel a bit that dead feeling inside might slowly clear. And maybe things like pride for getting through this, for getting 100%, for sticking with this even though it is hard ("hard" doesnt do it justice, does it?), and for standing up for yourself...maybe some of those positive feelings will slip through and warm you up a bit.

Congratulations on your presentation! Congratulations for doing the hard work of showing up even though hiding and disappearing probably would have been easier in the short term.

I'm proud of you, and happy for your accomplishments. They are hard-earned and deserved.

[Tee]

Thank you Hope and Armadillo it means a lot to have your support and encouragement. It is hard to face each day.

I still have my kids that need me and is hard to see them knowing that I can't give them what they need.  My daughter is 8 and comes to me to love on me and try to help which makes feel like better and worse at the same time. She should have to worry about me.😔😥

I'm getting a puppy in a week in a half that's going to be a service dog for myself. I get to go see it next Friday. My counselor thinks it will be really good for me. I'm looking forward to it. But am also a little overwhelmed with the fact that I can't get out of bed and take care of myself and now I will have to take care of this puppy. But it will give me something to focus on beside my current circumstances and the the past trauma that caused the current circumstances. So I guess that's good.

Going on vacation in the weeks that should be interesting as well FL with my new puppy.  😜🙂 My husband is horrified.

[Armadillo]

Hey Tee. Take that love warmly from your daughter. The best thing for her is

1. That you get better, and hating on yourself will slow that was down.

2. That she feels like she has some control. So like if she hugs you and it seems to help even a little she'll probably feel good instead of powerless.

The hard thing for me about growing up with my mom's mental illnesses was that she was happy if I showed sadness  about things and that no matter what I did it didn't change anything so I just felt helpless and scared. Love her, let her love you, and it will all be ok. 

[Not Alone]

Doing the paper and communicating with the professor sound like really positive, good steps to me. I agree with Hope, that if it is possible to bring someone to the meeting, that could be helpful.

It is very understandable the you and your Littles are having such a hard time. Sending my care to all. 

[Tee]

Thanks I'm trying to love on my kids as best I can. It's just hard. I'll just keep going the best I can thanks for your support.

[Armadillo]

Thanks I'm trying to love on my kids as best I can. It's just hard. I'll just keep going the best I can thanks for your support.

That's all you need to do,  Tee. Nothing more. I can tell right here. You LOVE your kids and they LOVE you. You don't need to be different or more.

[sanmagic7]

tee,

sometimes my d is the only reason i take one more step.  i get it.  i hope your puppy helps - i know support animals have been so very precious to people who need an extra oooomph.

know that i'm with you, even if only virtually.  may i make you a beverage, bring you a cozy blanket, and wrap you in warmth and comfort?  i'd really like to be able to do that, but only if it feels good to you.  sending much love and a hug filled with support   

[Tee]

Thanks for the support and love. Found a new puppy cause the breeder took the one I wanted for her stud fee.😥 But went and met and tested me puppy today she passed all tests with flying colors. So meet Kita I get to bring her home on the 17th. .

I sent my classmates a message saying how proud I am of them and how much I have enjoyed getting to know them over the past 3 years. That I am happy for them and I will be graduating in the fall. Next Wednesday at 12 I have a meeting and then my last class is at 6.
Then I'll just have to get my puppy and pack for my trip to Florida which that won't be stressful at all well at least I'll have Kita with me so I can retreat with her if I need to.
Thanks again for the love and support I'll let you know how the meeting goes.

[Not Alone]

Tee, I'm proud of you and how you are handling this painful situation. Sending your classmates that message was beautiful. Congratulations on your puppy!

[Tee]

Thank you notalone some days I'm doing better than others. But I'm trying

[Hope67]

Hi Tee,
I saw a TV programme that showed Florida, and it looks so beautiful.  I hope that you will enjoy your holiday there, and that your puppy (KIta) has a lovely time alongside you there - hope that you are able to enjoy things, and that you have a safe journey there and back again. 

A agree with Notalone that your message to your classmates was beautiful. 



Hope 

[Tee]

  thank you Hope I'm looking forward to it. I can't wait for one more week to pass. Then I will have my puppy in my arms and something new to focus on.🙂

[Armadillo]

Finishing classes and getting a puppy and getting out of town! I hope despite the stress that that feels GREAT once you are on the road.

I too am so impressed that you were able to email your classmates such a sweet and thoughtful note and set a good example of how to be a kind human.

[Tee]

Wasn't sure I could say it in person so wanted to say it to them beforehand.

[sanmagic7]

tee, i admire your perseverance.  keep at it, and keep taking care of you as best you can.  love and hugs