Tee’s 2nd try journal* trigger warning *

[Tee]

  thanks for your support San.

Well finished class done for the summer. Signed up for the independent study next semester.😏 Get my puppy on Monday. Trying to eat but it just makes me feel sick so I'll keep working on that. Soon will have the puppy to focus on and then will be on vacation.🙂 thanks for the support from everyone sometimes I wish I could just forget the trauma my life. Unfortunately there's no undo button or delete.😥 Thanks again for the love and support.

[sanmagic7]

you're so right, tee - there is no delete button.  wish there was.

sounds like you have some nice things to look forward to, and i'm glad about that.

congrats on finishing the semester!  well done!   

sending love and a hug filled with tenderness

[Armadillo]

Did you get the puppy and get off to Florida? Congrats on being done!!!

[Tee]

I get my puppy tomorrow morning and then we leave for Florida the next week. So it's all it getting close. I'm really excited about the puppy but I haven't gotten as much done around the house as I had hoped cause I've been so down😔 but I did clean both doggy creates so that's good. And I have a bunch of puppy stuff. I need to get a puppy basket for her toys and stuff. Can't wait till tomorrow morning. Thanks for the encouragement sending love

[sanmagic7]

yay!  it's puppy day!   enjoy enjoy enjoy!!!   love and hugs

[Hope67]

Hi Tee,
Hoping that you're enjoying time in Florida and time with your new puppy.

Hope 

[Tee]

  getting to Florida was a little stressful but we did make it. Missed the first flight but they put us on one an hour later. Puppy did great for her five days at Disney. She needs a pin or something saying she survived 5 days at Disney but everyone thought she was so cute and wanted to pet her. She was hot and tired but did great.  I'm doing ok it's been nice to get away. But unfortunately my birthday is a trigger and though we were here with other things going on the anniversary trigger of my birthday has snuck in as well. Trying to keep it at Bay but it is hard. Thanks for the thoughts and support.

[Armadillo]

 

Hope that trigger melts away fast and let's you enjoy everything else.

Puppy!!!!

[sanmagic7]

dear tee, sounds like the puppy is adorable!  so glad he did well.  disney can certainly be a source of sensory overload for anyone.

sorry about the birthday trigger.  as armadillo said, i also hope it melts away and causes you no further distress.  love and hugs, my dear.

[Not Alone]

How are you doing, Tee?

[Armadillo]

Thinking about you, too, Tee.

[Tee]

  thanks for the check ins I'm doing ok.  Training is going well the puppy is getting bigger she is very smart and showing her string will.  She is very bitey.  Working on that.    But she is also very sweet and is helping me get out of bed and do more. I'm doing an IOP which is going ok I guess it seems like a lot but the people seem nice and I'm trying to make the best of it. My T says it's part of showing I am trying to do more to "fix" myself so I'll be ready for the fall. It seems like a lot of bunk to me but I'm trying to keep an open mind. Have a good day hugs thanks for your support.

[Not Alone]

Good to hear from you, Tee. Glad you are enjoying your puppy.

[Tee]

TW---- mushroom cloud
So I feel like I need to start lying... I kind of feel like I'm six again and my emotions don't matter I just need to be better.  I'm going to the doctor today and she is going to ask me how I'm doing.  I don't know what too freaking say. I feel like everything is exploding into a mushroom cloud and someone hit pause and now it's just there. To explode again and again and more anytime I'm not busy with something else or distracted by current life or depression.

How can real life continue on when the life of horror and trauma looms over me like a mushroom cloud waiting for the blow up bigger or the ash to fall and cover everything and suffocate or chocked out the light of the current. 

Trying to figure out how to live and cope with DID and my life story. While trying to be "ok" so I can finish my schooling.  Feeling father from "ok" than I've ever been. Lost in transition of trying to find ways to live without trying to hide who I am as a whole from beginning to now From the outside in. How to show where I am without displaying the scars of where I've been. But when the scars don't show but their the wounds are deep how do heal so the next step out the next breath you can take without the ashes choking you out?

[Armadillo]

((((((((Tee))))))))

Let us know it goes with the doctor. I don't know if she is trustworthy enough to be honest with.

But you're right, there's not a pretty bow to tie on your life right now. It's hard. You are struggling. You are trying. But you're in the middle of the fight and you don't know when it ends. You don't have a countdown clock.

I hope you can share a little of your emotions and truth though. Your emotions do matter and there's non quick fix to make the past go away and the present easier.

It's not fair. It isn't supposed to be so hard, Tee. But it is hard. There's nothing wrong with you that you just can't walk away and let the mushroom cloud fizzle into a magic sparkly rainbow.

I can't imagine Tee, what you are going through. But I know you deserve so much support by everyone around you. I know you matter, what you have been through matters, your feelings and struggles matter.