Is she a narc ?

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Boatsetsailrose

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Is she a narc ?
« on: June 06, 2020, 12:24:26 PM »
There is a women in my recovery programme who I've known for 5 years..
I became more friends with her and stayed at her house few times ..
I now don't speak with her on recovery calls or interact with her due to her condescending ,superior and iron fist attitude. I used to take it on calls cause she used to say helpful recovery stuff but the way it was delivered id get in a bad mood and in the end wasn't worth it .
She openly says she has bpd and in some ways I think I've denied that as she has good eating disorder recovery.
Over time I've just hated her more and now I cant stand her .
This morning she was on the zoom meeting and get what she is the secretary surprise surprise .someone else was leading the meeting and there was an issue with sound .I spoke to the host and said I don't think the leader is on the line ...with that said person said ' Yes she is on the line ' in a sort a authoritative slightly aggressive way ....
My anger went off like a rocket (internally)  and I was close to saying something of which I didn't and am glad I didn't...I wanted to say why do u talk to people like they are idiots !
I'm now wondering if she is a narc she seems to fit the bill ...really inflated sense of self importance yet I know from her that she has crushing low self worth..
I'm not saying i don't have some personality issues to work on and my goodness i can be condesending and ego at times too..
I want to work on this anger I have towards her and be able to let it go ...its only eating me up..she is a sick person and I don't need to interact ..
I have thought about not going to that meeting but it is one of the UK meetings and I need to be there to help newcomers ..
My lesson from today is to not offer any comments about the meeting ,just do my share and be quiet ...
I need to not focus on this women and expect her do what she does and know it's nothing to do with me ...
It helps me to reflect on my own behaviour and when I'm being self righteous ego etc how that must be for other people ...glad I can see it a bit more in myself and can work with it ...
Any thoughts /experiences on the behaviour i describe about her ...the condescending ,superior ,iron fist type ...
Any ways to think abouT it deal with it ?

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Three Roses

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Re: Is she a narc ?
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2020, 03:06:20 PM »
I read this book... (yes, here I go again talking about books! Sometimes I irritate myself) and anyway it helped me a lot with this same, idk what to call it, defensiveness I guess. Not that it still doesn't affect me, but it's easier to deal with if I remember that another person's words and actions are due to their damage, outlook, opinions, etc and don't really have anything to do with me at their core. Anyway the book title is "The Four Agreements", it's kind of new age-y and I didn't buy into that part, but overall it was really helpful.

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Is she a narc ?
« Reply #2 on: June 09, 2020, 03:32:59 AM »
Hi three roses
Thank u for your response
That is just on parr with how I have been looking at it this past week.
It is from her damage and has NOTHING to do with me...
I have that book! And had actually put it in the charity bag so I'm gonna dig it out and re check it out with regard to this person...
Thank u dear and I hope this finds u well