I want to hide

  • 5 Replies
  • 363 Views
*

OceanStar

  • Member
  • 88
    • View Profile
I want to hide
« on: May 28, 2020, 01:23:07 PM »
I want to hide. To be left alone to be me on my own without anyone else watching me, seeing me, knowing me. No noise, no expectations, no time boundaries, nothing.
I am in an EF and I want to feel my way through, to begin to actually understand. I realise that pushing my experiences away doesn't help but right now I have no idea how to feel my way through this and be with others.

Anyone any ideas.


*

Jazzy

  • Member
  • 566
    • View Profile
Re: I want to hide
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2020, 03:22:23 AM »
Its a good first step to realize you are in an EF. :) If you can spend some time and figure out what triggered it, and to process what you are / are not feeling and thinking that should be a big help. I think being with others comes after we are in a better place with ourselves.

I know it can be really tough, but I'm sure you will make it through in time. Wishing you all the best!

*

Kizzie

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • 8157
    • View Profile
Re: I want to hide
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2020, 12:02:28 PM »
I've found that I need space, a lot of it to figure out what I am feeling and why when I am going through an EF.  I used to feel guilty or whatever for needing to but I came to see it as necessary, much like a diabetic needs insulin or someone with a broken leg needs to rest and elevate.

It makes sense that we need to feel safe during an EF because we are more vulnerable, but also to turn down the volume on additional stresses (people, sound, light, etc) so we have the energy to deal with it. 

So FWIW I say hide away if you can and if/when you're up to it post here and/or talk to someone you trust to help process what triggered the EF.

 :grouphug:

*

notalone

  • Member
  • 2085
    • View Profile
Re: I want to hide
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2020, 01:55:44 AM »
There are times I need to hide also. I feel safest on the floor covered with a blanket. I can't hide as much as I feel the need because of responsibilities, but when able I let give myself the space and care.

*

OceanStar

  • Member
  • 88
    • View Profile
Re: I want to hide
« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2020, 08:32:21 PM »
Thank you all. Your messages ment a lot when I was in a dark place.

I am feeling better than I was. I know I'm not there now and I'm grown up but there is still quite a strong pull back. Does anyone else experience that pull back? It's like being sucked back into the past hopelessness.

I don't think I'll make much sense of anything now, I'm tired.

*

Kizzie

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • 8157
    • View Profile
Re: I want to hide
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2020, 05:28:07 PM »
That sense of being pulled back is definitely common OceanStar.  Pete Walker refers to them as emotional flashbacks when we 'regress' to a younger self and the feelings we had then. 

There's also a saying among trauma survivors that captures this:  "I'm not stuck in the past, the past is stuck in me." We have a lot of unprocessed trauma that is not integrated into our self, it's stuck if you will and that's where we go back to under stress/are triggered. 

So perfectly normal for us and it really does take a lot out of you so hope you will take time to rest and let the effects subside.  I used to feel like I was hungover and in fact found out I was in a sense from all the chemicals/hormones released into my body.  Along with reducing stress and getting more rest, I would drink a lot of water to help flush them out.

Hope this helps.  :grouphug: