New Member...feel clueless

[CelloRain]

Hi. I was directed here by my counselor. I've been told for years that my memory problems are from PTSD. But, just last week, my new counselor introduced me to C-PTSD.

It makes so much more sense to me. To my understanding, my childhood/young-adult abuse has splintered me into parts. Recovery = becoming whole.

I'm overwhelmed already. I just want to live without my mind being so heavy all the time. I'm always "doing" life and not living or enjoying it. I'm tired of sadness and constant doubt in myself and "get over it" from other people.

I really am grateful for the existence of this forum. But, honestly wonder if it will be as disappointing as the multitude of things I've tried in therapy and self-help.

On that note, please be safe and stay healthy, everyone.

[Three Roses]

Hello, welcome! I relate to the overwhelmed feeling, but self-diagnosing with complex ptsd was a turning point for me. I can't say I don't ever struggle anymore, but knowing I'm not alone is so beneficial that I can't find adequate words to express my relief.

From OOTS's founder, Kizzie: - We do not see ourselves as disordered, rather we see ourselves as having reacted normally to a highly abnormal situation and are traumatized. -

I had felt like an alien, something other than human, all of my life until "discovering" cptsd and others who could understand my confusing behavior. It is my hope that you will find comfort, support and validation here.

[Not Alone]

Welcome.    You won't hear "get over it" here. I have found support and understanding.

[owl25]

Hi CelloRain, I am glad you found us. I am fairly new here still but already have found it immensely helpful to be here. I hope it will be the same for you. Welcome  

[CelloRain]

Thank you owl25, notalone, and  Three Roses for your replies. I realized sometime after my post that I had forgotten to take my meds for the day. Somehow, it always surprises me how much my mood reacts just hours after missing a dose. Thank you for welcoming me and encouraging me.

[Three Roses]

I'm glad you felt better after taking meds (which I also need) but you're allowed to have bad days, hesitation and doubt. You won't be minimized here - we will support and validate you to the best of our ability.

[owl25]

No worries, CelloRain - we understand the challenges, and you do not have to apologize for feeling discouraged. It's part and parcel of what we deal with with CPTSD. Glad your meds helped you feel a bit better, and we're happy you're here 

[Kizzie]

Just wanted to add my welcome CelloRain    glad you found your way here and I hope you do find it helpful.  It's true no-one here will ever say "Just get over it" and that will be a relief if you're like a lot of us.  One saying we have here is "I'm not stuck in the past, the past is stuck in me" because relational trauma persists if we don't process and integrate it.

The other is "It's not you, it's what happened to you" which is to say it's not a case of us being weak, crazy, defective, overly sensitive or any of the things we tell ourselves or others have told us, it's about the trauma/abuse/neglect we endured at the hands of others and the symptoms it left us with.  As TR pointed out we develop symptoms that are normal responses to ongoing relational trauma. That helps a lot of us to reduce shame and blame and assign responsibility where it belongs, on those who abused/neglected us.

[Bach]

Welcome, Cello Rain  This is a good place. I hope you find it helpful.

[Jazzy]

Hi CelloRain, and welcome.

Sorry to hear you're feeling overwhelmed and tired. It is certainly understandable though. There are a lot of great people here, and I hope you find it helpful. There is also a lot of information here that will hopefully help you feel less clueless.

However, we each have our own healing journey we are on, and we all have to find what is right for ourselves. Even if you are disappointed here, please keep working on yourself. I'm confident that over time you will find what you need to improve.

All the best!

[Snowdrop]

Welcome, CelloRain.