I Wanted to Share Some of My Progress and Get Some Insight

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catscantdo

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I Wanted to Share Some of My Progress and Get Some Insight
« on: June 08, 2020, 03:06:41 AM »
I have been doing really well lately.  I am using my money from the stimulus check to finally change my name.  I've already filled out the paperwork and I am just waiting to get my court date for the final step.  My name has bothered me for a very long time since both of my parents were neglectful/abusive and they gave me two middle names with one of them being a outright a joke. (The name is just an inanimate object like sock or hat) It has no meaning to it whatsoever.  It has caused me all kinds of issues when filling out forms and I am glad to finally have it corrected along with my parents final connection to me.

I am also moving to a new state sometime this year since I have most of the money needed saved up and I've visited the general area I want to move too.  It puts me one step closer to getting back to school and finishing my degree.  It also puts me a distance my family won't be able to travel to see me anymore and no one will have my new address.  I am ecstatic because I suffer from paranoia and nightmares that someone will break into my house.  I've wanted to move since I was little because its such a conservative state and I am queer.  I am ready to be in a place that that isn't so strange anymore. 

I am also terrified at the prospect of moving to a new place without any of my friends to lean on.  I've already moved to a new town on my own, but moving 9 hours away is different.  I've read so many stories of people saying how much moving away has helped them and I am excited to start this new chapter of my life.   I wanted to know if anyone had any tips about moving very far away as I know that is common in this community.   If anyone could help give me reassurance I am doing the right thing leaving my home state I would appreciate it or tell me stories of when they've made a big move.

Thanks for being such a great community I couldn't have kept it going without getting support here!


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Jazzy

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Re: I Wanted to Share Some of My Progress and Get Some Insight
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2020, 03:25:46 AM »
Glad to hear you're doing really well; that's great! I changed my name a few years ago too, so I kind of get that.

Moving far away is stressful at times, but it can be very liberating as well. When I was younger I moved about 8 hours away, and I felt like I was finally free to be myself; like my life had finally really started. Unfortunately, I was uninformed about myself and my CPTSD at the time, so I couldn't really take care of myself... that's the difficulty of it, you're pretty alone until you can make new connections (which can be tough).  You sound like you're in a better place, so I'm sure you can make it. Even if it doesn't work out, it is a good experience, and certainly worth a try.

All the best! :)

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Three Roses

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Re: I Wanted to Share Some of My Progress and Get Some Insight
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2020, 03:46:46 PM »
Have moved a couple times, and handled it not-so-well the first time, and learned what not to do - one thing I found most helpful was to establish myself in a group, like a church or organization, and that's easier these days because of webinars, Zoom, etc. What not-to-do - isolate.

I'm happy for you that you're making all these changes and moving (literally!  ;D) in a direction that's right for you.  :applause:

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Kizzie

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Re: I Wanted to Share Some of My Progress and Get Some Insight
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2020, 06:42:23 PM »
Glad to hear you're making positive changes for yourself catscantdo   :thumbup:   

My family both original and married moved throughout my life because my F and H were military and what helped was that the military community was there wherever we went. One source of support you might be able to draw on is the LBGTQ2 community. Another might be a F2F trauma survivor group if you're close to or in a major city.   

One possibility to be prepared for is that some feelings relating to past trauma might arise because of the stress of moving and changing your name. Extra rest, acknowledging the feelings, finding support in real life, posting here - all helpful if you do find that to be the case.

Good luck with the move  :grouphug:

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bikesandplants

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Re: I Wanted to Share Some of My Progress and Get Some Insight
« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2020, 06:49:57 PM »
That's awesome that you've been doing well and feel excited and enthusiastic about your big move, though I can imagine you might also feel scared in front of the unknown like that.

I haven't really moved far away or had any similar experiences. The big moves I've done that felt edgy (like I was out of my comfort zone) have always been pretty positive for me. Not in the way that everything was perfect and easy but more in a way that I got to know myself better, deepen and straignten and learn a lot.

One thing I'd like to say is that you are not stuck there. And if ever your needs are not met in that new situation, or that you are finding being far from your friends difficult, it is really okay to change your mind. I don't know if this is helpful to you, but when I do big moves or put myself in situations where I feel vulnerable, it helps me to know that I am not stuck, that I can change my mind, try different things, that I have control on my life.

The other thing I was going to suggest is maybe creating a web of support for you during that transition time. For exemple, asking friends to be available on the phone or by e-mail, planning in advance to skype with people, making a list of the ressources you have - sort of putting stuff in place so that your support network can hold you during that transition.

Super glad to read that you've changed your name to one that feels more like you! And as a queer human too, I hope your queer self can feel safe wherever you will be creating a new home. Don't hesitate to reach out to the community if you need to!

Take care  :wave:

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Bermuda

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Re: I Wanted to Share Some of My Progress and Get Some Insight
« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2020, 06:26:25 PM »
 :wave: I can most certainly relate. Adding physical space can really help you to feel comfortable establishing a new sense of self worth and self identity and add your personal growth. It also taught me that the world is not so grim as I had been led to believe, and that people are generally kind.