Do I belong here?

[Indigochild]

Boatsetsailrose

Good for you for getting out of the programming and making some progress!   
I think those things in your list are great to remember and keep close to you.
You are challenging over the people who told you that that is the way you must be all the time.

[VeryFoggy]

Cottonax - I just saw and read through this set of posts, and this quote from you kind of slapped me in the face:

"I could (should?) have asked for help from church and extended family, but I felt I would have to pay them back somehow, and I was already so overwhelmed that I couldn't do it. Besides, my job was making my parents look good, and asking for help would have made them look bad."

My whole body screamed when I read that part of your post.  My whole body screamed NO!  Your PARENTS  should have asked for help from the church.  Your PARENTS should have asked for help from extended family. It was your parents job as ADULTS to take care of their own needs!  Their bodies might have been broken?  But their minds were not, and they KNEW that as ADULTS they should have taken the steps necessary to care for themselves, and they should have taken the steps necessary to provide as NORMAL of a childhood  as possible to YOU under the circumstances.  Which would have included not growing up with the responsibilities of an adult weighing down the shoulders of a mere child! What they did is unthinkable, and unfair, and unjust, and you were robbed. You never even had a childhood.  I am so sorry.

So yes, a very belated welcome! And yes, you do belong and we are glad to have you!

[OOTS11]

my tummy aches, I think it was too much, I tried reading all the replies and now I'm feeling bad. I can relate to it, the pressure, the "dodging sky bricks", but I can't think right now, I'm replying because I thought that maybe if I said what I'm feeling, putting it on words, it would ease me a little. I'm taking a break, I think that I need to take my time to read this, even if it takes me days or weeks (at best). I wasn't entirely sure if I belonged here, but now I'm beginning to. I'll come back, sooner or later, but I'm taking a break.

[Indigochild]

Hey OOTS11

Welcome to the forum!
It is hard recognising what is going on with you, and it is hard seeing the truth.
Seems this thread was triggering to you.
Yes, take your time to read. No matter how long it takes, take your time.
I hope your ache goes soon.  Its all good stuff, even though its hard going. Its the veil of uncontioustess lifting / un enlightenment lifting.

Take care