Hello, I am new.

[Bermuda]

Hi,

I’m a 33 year old wife a mama to a toddler, and I’ve never felt a deep connection to any other person. For me, this is the most painful ever-present reminder of my C-PTSD. I look at my child, and I feel love for him, but I love differently than anyone I’ve known. To me, it is a rational kind of love, but also a guilty kind. I am a great mama, but just not the swooning kind.

With C-PTSD it’s an understatement to say that navigating the pitfalls of interpersonal relationships is a challenge. Everything is a trigger, and every honest response a burden to others. So, no one knows who I am. Even the most basic questions can come at me like a ton of bricks. How are you? What kind of accent is that? Can you please sign here? Are you flying home for the holidays? Have you seen that new Netflix series? Are you following the news? Do you have any siblings? What did you study?

One of those questions is routinely followed with a ‘but they’re your family!’, to which I respond that ‘That wouldn’t be an appropriate response to someone in an abusive relationship with a spouse, and that it’s equally as inappropriate in this instance.’ Which effectively ends the conversation. ...It’s still better than ruining someone’s day with a story, or even worse, the disbelief.

You see, it’s not easy. If I did have a friend, who truly knew me, what would we do? Certainly not the cinema, or grab a drink, the risk of suddenly feeling the warm squeezing hand of an invisible perpetrator while on public transport is a frightening and embarrassing thought. Even a walk in the park, isn’t a walk in the park when the pain caused by autoimmune disease creeps up suddenly. And what am I to say? I cannot go, because I am sick? I am always sick, except last week, when I was FINE. It’s unbelievable, *I* am unbelievable.

I am writing this post, because to me C-PTSD is isolation, loneliness, and exclusion. It’s a whisper, a secret self, that I want so badly to relate. ...But I can’t relate.

So, hi. You can call me Bermuda.

[marta1234]

Welcome. I read what you said. And I can relate too.

[Bella]

Welcome! 
I hear you! Hope you find some connection on this forum, and find you can talk about issues here that others actually can relate to. To me that has been helpful, knowing I'm not alone in this world fighting all these CPTSD symptoms.

[Three Roses]

Welcome! 

[owl25]

Welcome Bermuda, glad you found this place, I hope you find it helpful. 

[OceanStar]

Hi Bermuda 

Im glad you're here.

I understand those questions that hit like a tonne of bricks. They halt so many interactions, relationships of any sort are over before they begin.

I hope you find this site helpful. People here really do get it.

[buddy9832]

Hi Bermuda,

Welcome aboard. I'm fairly new here but I can tell you, but I can tell this place is my niche. It seems like a lot of us have strikingly very similar experiences and more so suffer from cPTSD in very similar ways. I hope you'll feel welcome. Everyone certainly has for me.

[Jazzy]

Hi Bermuda, and welcome. I struggle a lot with the "easy" questions too. There are a lot of great people here though, and this place feels pretty safe.

[Not Alone]

Welcome. 

[RiverRabbit]

Bermuda,
I also struggle with the whispers and the isolation... sometimes you can be in a crowded room, and feel completely alone.

Welcome to the group.

[Snowdrop]

I hear you, Bermuda. You're welcome here.