Dropping Everyone Like Flies

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Phoebes

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Dropping Everyone Like Flies
« on: June 10, 2020, 02:45:52 PM »
Ok, so, TWO people I am having trouble just accepting and just "ignoring" in my life. And I don't know if I should just distance and give as little attention as possible, or run for the hills.

I feel like I have totally dropped people in the past several years. In one way, I feel like with my lack of awareness for so long, I've attracted and accepted/allowed narcissistic behavior into my life. So now that I know better, it's the natural consequence that I am repulsed by them.

But, I real ABOOUT narcissists and how they push everyone away, and question, is that what I'm doing? No one is perfect! (Pet peeve saying of my mom). Here's what I'm dealing with:

"Landmate" is total know-it all hoarder. This is someone who I long considered a "good friend." I am renting their back house in what is a very desirable spot- I am the envy of all who find this out. I know I have a great situation and affordable price, which is very hard to come by here. I have it made, and I know it! Ok, but, he is the property owner and lives in the front house, and it's becoming more and more apparent that he is not at all concerned with my living conditions, experience, or the way he talks to me. He is becoming a grumpy old man who's first concern is knowing everything and being right. He talks my ear off, and as soon as I begin responding he looks at his watch and says he has to go. But then, when I say ok and start walking away, he starts the monologue again. He complains about the girlfriends who drop him like a hot potato, but come to find out he is treating them like he talks to me. I could go on and on. I'm just realizing this was never a deeper friendship and I am the only sucker in his realm! I'm expected to be sure and not "break" the AC (by using it too much) because it's lasted 30 years and never broke  ??? (it's over 100 degrees where we live). Part of me wants to run away.  But then, I don't cross paths with him THAT much.

Then, I've about reached the end of my rope with a "friend" who dominates a group of friends with her drama. This group is really centered around a dear friend of mine, but I am definitely the one who doesn't fit the group dynamic. And a lot of the reason is "drama girl." I have tried and tried to connect with this person, be friends so I can feel at ease in this group, for YEARS, and it has never happened. She seems to just LOVE everyone else, but treats me with disdain. Definitely different. Definitely not that nice. I'm just done. I don't want to reduce my friendship with my other friend, but honestly I don't see what she sees in this person, and I'm questioning even THAT friendship. It's hurtful, but I've spent a lot of time on "my part" and how I can be more understanding and accepting. I will have plans with my friend, and just before, learn that lo and behold the other girl is also coming, and I feel like if I say no or cancel, then I am just the intolerant jerk.

So anyway, there we are. Another crossroads like some I've had in the past. The urge and impulse to drop everything, move away, start fresh, get away from people who don't connect with me. Be even more alone. I dunno.


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Kizzie

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Re: Dropping Everyone Like Flies
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2020, 12:18:45 PM »
Sorry Phoebes, just saw your post now and wanted to let you know I can relate.  As I got older I started feeling (or admitting?) how much many people irritated me and that I didn't want to put up with their baggage/quirks or try to get along anymore.

I don't have any answers except to say I think some of us (survivors)  reach a point where we admit or can't take the type of behaviours that scrape along our nerves any more. I suspect people who aren't trauma survivors are able to let things roll off them more, but we struggle because our patience/tolerance is worn very thin.   :Idunno:   I don't quite know as am working through this myself right now but just wanted to let you know your post resonated with me.  I've dropped a lot of people too.   :hug:

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Phoebes

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Re: Dropping Everyone Like Flies
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2020, 01:49:03 PM »
Thank you, Kizzie. I'd be curious to hear more of your experience. I'm sorry about that, too. Although I do think in some cases it's a good thing, I'm trying to be discerning and tolerant of quirkiness, and avoidant of true narcissistic tendencies. I feel like the more I've learned, the more lazer focused I am on narcissism. One person I felt I had to drop I could definitely see and feel was totally toxic and controlling. That was justifiable. But, I don't want to drop people just for normal differences and flaws. That's not my intent. I think I'm just a little overwhelmed with being "stuck" in my situation in a sense.

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Kizzie

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Re: Dropping Everyone Like Flies
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2020, 07:17:13 PM »
Sorry I probably should have been clearer, I did mean N quirks/unhealthy behav that in the past I would try and deal (put up) with. It began to feel like I attract them or they're everywhere  :Idunno:  and I just can't deal with them any more. I dropped a lot of people too and have felt unwilling to try and find healthier people perhaps because some (most?) days it feels like I just keep running into those w/N behav.