fractured

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sanmagic7

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fractured
« on: June 12, 2020, 07:33:22 PM »
this stuff w/ my ex simply continues. i've had to talk to him twice in the past few days, he sold our house w/o telling me, says he went bankrupt and owes the bank nothing, but since my name is still on the deed, and he took so many mortgages out on the house to appease my money-grubbing D1 while she was living there w/ him, and otherwise, (altho he told me this face to face years ago, on the phone last week he simply said it was becuz of fixing it up, all of which was unnecessary work, not like the electrical problems or basement wreckage.), so i know he got himself into this mess and i feel no sympathy for him - it's been going on for years.

now i heard from my d i live w/ that he's selling the house, the house where i had to leave, where i raised my family, fought for my family, gardened, all my flowers, veggies, fruit trees i planted, and he never told me he was even thinking about selling it!  no thoughts, consultation, asking me what i thought, told me what's going on.  he used my d to relay sparse info to me, that there were 2 sets of papers coming, one that would say i'd get any extra money after the house sold (there won't be any, he admitted that) and the other to relinquish my name off the deed so that if the sale doesn't cover the cost of the home, and he doesn't owe anything to the bank, it would protect me from them coming after me for any additional money owed that wasn't covered by the sale.

this has traumatized me severely, and i only really realized it today.  when i talked to him, i turned into stone woman - my entire body felt like a gravestone, my eyes were hard, my voice was hard, just trying to get thru a conversation w/ him to find out what my d was talking about.  that's when most of the rest of this news came out - i don't know why i expected any courtesy from him, any thought from him that this may affect me.  through my tears i asked him how he could not think this would rattle me!!!

so, one envelope came 2 days ago, maybe 3, and all there was was a paper about getting extra money, but no sign of signing off on the deed.  i called him again, asking what's going on, he calmly said the other papers would be coming from his lawyer!  i know how slow lawyers can be, and i've heard nothing, and now i'm worried that the sale might go thru before i've signed off on it, and they might come after me.  all i have is soc. sec. and a small pension coming in, no nothing else.  i'm at my wit's end, talked to my t this morning, cried thru it, i'm so shattered, so fragmented, i've just been hiding out in my room since the call.

i could barely walk to the bathroom to get some xanax, my legs were wobbling all over, i was tilting, nearly losing my balance.  i thought i was going to get a chance to heal, but i'm getting re-traumatized instead!  last month was *, but i went numb.  this broke me open.  i decided to write cuz i just want some friendly faces from here - everyone crappy in my life i've gotten rid of, but they keep haunting me, coming back to re-traumatize me again - my ex-bff last month, now him).

i'm so confused, don't understand why these people continue to hurt me, to treat me like crapola, to ignore me, like i'm worthless.  i know i'm not, but they treat me like i am, and i don't understand it at all!!!  i've set boundaries, told them what i want, what i need, yet they keep coming at me, one more brick in the face.  how can i heal when i continually am traumatized in the present by the people who did so much of the trauma in the past?  i've spent most of my life confused and anxious, and i'm getting too old for this.  i can feel myself breaking - my entire body, especially my legs, is vibrating , and this is the lowest i've been in years.  i don't know why this is happening! 

i want to delete this.  i don't know what to do.............................and i can't talk to my d about it altho she knows this has upset me, but she doesn't want to hear anything bad about him cuz she wants to continue a relationship w/ him.  doesn't want to be put in the middle of her parents, altlho that's exactly what he did last week, and i had to confront him about even that.  he has no sense of anything human. 

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Snowdrop

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Re: fractured
« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2020, 08:35:33 PM »
Oh San, I want to wrap you up in a great big hug. I'm so very sorry you're going through this. You don't deserve this. I feel anger on your behalf when I hear how you've been treated.
 :bighug: :bighug: :bighug:
 :grouphug: :grouphug:
« Last Edit: June 12, 2020, 08:46:12 PM by Snowdrop »

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Three Roses

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Re: fractured
« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2020, 08:42:59 PM »
Wrapping you in compassion, dear San.  :grouphug:

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notalone

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Re: fractured
« Reply #3 on: June 12, 2020, 09:41:57 PM »
I'm glad you didn't delete this because we want to be here for you. I am so sorry that you are being treated this way and going through so much. I hear that you feel like you are breaking. You have been through so much lately and then to add this. . . aaagh. I care about you.  :hug:

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Blueberry

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Re: fractured
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2020, 09:43:36 PM »
Oh San, I want to wrap you up in a great big hug. I'm so very sorry you're going through this. You don't deserve this. I feel anger on your behalf when I hear how you've been treated.
 :bighug: :bighug: :bighug:
 :grouphug: :grouphug:

 :yeahthat:   :bighug: :bighug:  :grouphug:

Thank you for your courage in writing it out and letting it stand (not deleting). You deserve to be heard! We hear you.

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Bella

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Re: fractured
« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2020, 10:39:13 PM »
So sorry you have to endure all of this! I pray things will get better real soon.
Heartfelt hug, if that is okey with you!  :grouphug:

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sanmagic7

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Re: fractured
« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2020, 11:44:33 PM »
i appreciate every comment, every hug, every show of support from all of you! :grouphug:

the papers didn't come today, and now it's the weekend and i still have to wait, and my insides are churning, my head is throbbing, and i am frantic wi/ worry.  i wrote him an email asking him to get his lawyer to move on this cuz i'm paralyzed w/ fear someone will come after me for this.  i can barely walk, my chest hurts, i'm doing xanax but it's not even helping much.  i want to run away but there's no place to go!  i'm trapped!  i can't stand this!  my heart is pounding cuz i just sent the email, don't even know if he'll open it.  i feel completely helpless with this.  i just don't understand.

he's said he likes to dominate women.  well, he must be very happy right now, pleased with himself.  all the defenses i'd worked so hard at erecting w/ my t have been shattered by this.  she suggested i do a containment exercise, i told her i don't even have enough strength in my mind to focus on something like that.  i can't believe how this has affected me!

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buddy9832

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Re: fractured
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2020, 12:55:27 AM »
 :hug:

Hi sanmagic, Iím sorry to hear you are having quite a tough time. Thatís got to be so incredibly difficult. I hope things will turn for the better

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Tee

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Re: fractured
« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2020, 02:43:14 AM »
San you are so strong. Iím so sorry you are going through this.  You are not alone. I hope that your letter from the lawyer arrives soon.  That way you can find some peace in this. Iím sorry home is being sold without consideration of you.  Continue to set your boundaries, take care of yourself. You are loved and cared for here. Sending a big hug!  :hug: wrapping a warm blanket around you, and offer you a cup of tea. I can sit with you for a while if you would like. :hug:

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Three Roses

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Re: fractured
« Reply #9 on: June 13, 2020, 06:09:55 AM »
I'm so very sorry you're going through this! You deserve peace, tranquility, and health - not this storm you're in.  :hug:

You have weathered storms before and, although this is one helluva storm, it will one day be just another of them. I think maybe it's not *just* the house situation - you've had an incredible number of stressors in a very short time, and you're handling them the best you can. We're here to support you every step of the way.

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Snowdrop

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Re: fractured
« Reply #10 on: June 14, 2020, 05:12:00 AM »
Still thinking of you, dear San.
 :bighug: :bighug: :bighug:

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sanmagic7

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Re: fractured
« Reply #11 on: June 15, 2020, 04:14:51 AM »
i can't tell you all how much you mean to me for your outpouring of support, care, and kindness.  thank you all :grouphug:  wish i could address each of you individually, but i'm still shaken.  had to write another email asking where the legal papers are so i don't get bled dry financially cuz i was frantic w/ worry about it.  reminded him that hurting me also means hurting our d, and that as i'd told him, if he wants to damage me, this is the way to do it. 

he said the lawyer was going to send the papers to me tues. or wed., nothing but nonchalance, but that now he's going to get a copy for me to sign and fed ex it to me tomorrow.  i wish he was dead, i wouldn't have to go thru this anymore.  i am retraumatized because of this incident alone, and putting it on top of the past 6 weeks of incidents, i'm just reeling under it all, still.

thank you all again.  i wish i could respond better, but this has been too much.  i'm just holding it together for my d right now, and that's taking all my energy.  you're all the best, tho.  love and hugs :grouphug:

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Kizzie

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Re: fractured
« Reply #12 on: June 15, 2020, 11:29:06 AM »
Don't worry about responding San, just know we're here and send you much support, care, and encouragement to get through this.   :grouphug:     :hug: 

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marta1234

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Re: fractured
« Reply #13 on: June 15, 2020, 01:29:32 PM »
Sending you lots of encouragements and support, San  :grouphug:
I am so sorry you have to go through this.

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Tee

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Re: fractured
« Reply #14 on: June 15, 2020, 02:40:21 PM »
 :hug: we are here for you San.  Big hug take care of yourself my friend :grouphug: