I want a Mum

[OceanStar]

Right now I want a Mum. One who'll listen, and be on my side when I've finished speaking. Someone to support me.

My Mum isn't like that. I will not ring her. It's better to feel alone and burdened than to hear her accusing voice or have her claim my pain as her own and have to heal her wounds while mine remain open to the elements.

I'm alone again.

[owl25]

Hi OceanStar, you deserve the kind of Mum that will listen and be on your side. It's so hard when that's not who we got when we were born. I hear you pain and sadness around this.

[Bermuda]

You deserve to be heard. Although this group is no replacement for a mother, we can listen, and I can sympathise with your words.

[Bach]

I get what you mean, OceanStar. I feel angry and sad when people talk about how great their mothers are. I will never know what it feels like to have a mother who loves me and wants me to be happy and well. I think the feeling of never having been loved as a mother's precious child is one of the deepest and most profound sadnesses that a person can know. I am sorry you have to know that sadness and I stand with you identifying and empathising. 

[OceanStar]

Thank you owl25, Bermuda and Bach for you messages. They ment a lot.

I am still struggling with the rejection from my Mum now I have reduced the contact we have. I have gained a more balanced view, that is a good thing, but painful. I guess I had hoped that somewhere deep down she might realise the pain she had caused and want to reconnect, but she has let me go. The few occasions we do talk she uses to try and place her bad decisions on my shoulders and make me feel guilty. She is good at it too. I long for her to want me and equally dont want to see her again. I'm drawn in two and exhausted by it.

[Bermuda]

I very much relate to the feeling of wanting to feel loved by a mother but also wanting to shield yourself from her. It is a hard place to be.

[Not Alone]

I long for her to want me

That is a deep pain. 

[Persistant]

I get what you mean, OceanStar. I feel angry and sad when people talk about how great their mothers are. I will never know what it feels like to have a mother who loves me and wants me to be happy and well. I think the feeling of never having been loved as a mother's precious child is one of the deepest and most profound sadnesses that a person can know. I am sorry you have to know that sadness and I stand with you identifying and empathising.

Beautifully put Bach ! 

[Persistant]

I totally get where you're at OceanStar, it can feel like a very lonely and barren place sometimes. I long ago gave up on expecting my mum (or any of the family) to be on my side, just listening to me would be a first ! I don't normally get further than a few words into my sentence before she butts in with her view and advises me on what to do even though I wasn't asking for advice. In the last few years there's been a lot of coming to terms with the hard facts that I am faced with which is that they are simply not there for me AT ALL. This has led to getting to know my inner child a lot more and the process of self parenting and I am also coming to terms with a lost childhood. As a result of this work I have gained a greater sense of self, it's been hard going but worth it. I agree that it's better to feel alone and burdened rather than the false hope of mum's love and I encourage you to keep going in any way that works for you.

Good luck and look forward to hearing how you're doing   

[OceanStar]

Thank you persistant, I really appreciated your message. It arrived when I needed some encouragement.

I have been noticing that I'm getting??? (I as yet dont have a word for the feeling or emotion, but it's not a positive one). I have realised that I've been putting some dates in the diary for next month and that reminds me  I'll be time to call my Mum. I call her at the beginning of the month, her birthday etc, I take calls from her during the month if she rings and it's convenient but other than that no contact. I give her as little information as possible, I let her talk for half an hour or so and then say goodbye.

It's something.

[Persistant]

I very much relate to the feeling of wanting to feel loved by a mother but also wanting to shield yourself from her. It is a hard place to be.

This is indeed a deep and intense pain Bermuda, between a rock and a hard place, I feel it. I couldn't reconcile these two things for a long time but then I came to the realisation that I miss the Mum that I never had, I miss the Mum that I should have had. This has helped me go some way towards coming to terms with it. Also, getting in touch with the little boy inside and looking after him as best as I can helps, not that it solves the problem outright, long way to go for that.

Go well on your way Bermuda, would like to hear how you're doing, anything you want to share.

[Snookiebookie2]

OceanStar

I hear you. I understand how you're feeling.

Sometimes it's not the pain inflicted that hurts, but the absence of positive caring compassion and understanding.

Sending you a healing hug    You are listened to and understood here.