My Dad just stopped my H in the street.

[no_more_fear]

I saw my T for the first time yesterday, and although it was really hard it, helped so much. But today my Dad, who lives a few blocks away stopped my H in the street and said about how everyone had been trying to contact me, unsuccessfully. When I heard about this I went into meltdown. I said to my H, 'was he doing his hurt, deep eye routine?' and my H said yes. That's the way he used to look at me when I'd done bad stuff in my childhood, but I don't know if it was real because my M was the one who was my abuser and she put on an act in front of him. I did tell him when I was young, but he didn't believe me because of the act she put on when he was there. But I don't know if his hurt was ever real. This is cracking me up! I want to tell him I'll always love him, but I know he'll never believe that I've been repressing the memories for all these years. I don't know what to do. I just want someone to tell me. Thanks for reading.

[Sandals]

n_m_g - I feel for you. My ex used to do that look to me and the kids, and I now recognize it as shame-inducing. You are not responsible for his feelings, no matter what tool he might try to use to make you feel so. He was the adult and should have held empathy and compassion for you as a child, no matter what he knew.

Can you share some of the "bad stuff" you did to generate these looks from him? It might help free you from this if you talk about it.

[no_more_fear]

Sorry Sandals,  I've been in a freeze state since it happened and couldn't even reply this to this. Thank you for your message.

My F looked at me with those eyes when I had acted out in my youth, by drinking etc. I could never work out if it was real or not, and I still don't know. I think you know what I mean as you've had the same from your ex.

I spoke to my F which has triggered a pretty bad reaction in me, it's brought on headaches, EF's, feeling of inadequacy, the lot. I've decided I won't speak to him or anyone in that circle again. It's not worth it in consideration of my health. He never harmed me and I now realise that he's a victim too, so I felt I had to speak to him one last time. I wanted him to tell me that he always loved me and I him, so all that was said and now I'll move on, regardless of whether he meant it.

The smear campaign from the abusive parent has begun, but I have to try and control my reaction to it.