I know vulnerability is supposed to be good, but it's SO hard

[Gibzler]

Hi everyone,

I'm honestly not sure what to share, or where to start. Within the past two years I've discovered CPTSD but I've been living with it for as long as I can remember. Discovering it was a game changer for me. I finally started to realize that maybe I wasn't defective but had learned some very destructive things. But I also learned that knowing the psychology behind why I do and think these ways doesn't do a thing to my barbaric inner critic.

I know vulnerability is good, but it's so hard. Having conversations with my husband (who doesn't necessarily understand CPTSD and how to respond) is hard. Remembering things I've shoved down or avoided for so long is hard. Fighting myself is draining. Learning about CPTSD is draining and scary while also rewarding. Learning to not disassociate is tough. Building up the courage to start an account and make a post after knowing about this site for a year was even harder.

"Everyone has been through worse, you don't matter." Says the inner critic. Either way though I'm here.

[sigiriuk]

It's easy to say "vulnerability is good".
But for people like us, being vulnerable is the last thing that seems like a good idea.
We instinctively protect ourselves at all times......No blame there.
This is where I started.
Then said to myself, I am terrified of being vulnerable. I kept saying that for about three months.
Then I very slowly started to show my vulnerability to my therapist..or a person i trusted.
I never show my vulnerability to people I dont trust

Anyways, glad you are here!

Slim

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum! Good on you for having the courage to now post

"Everyone has been through worse, you don't matter." Says the inner critic. Either way though I'm here.

Yes, you are here and you do matter. A pretty common comment on here goes along the lines of "It wasn't that bad, was it?" or "What happened to me wasn't really bad compared to others." So, join the club On a serious note, whatever was done to you or if you were neglected, it was bad enough to give you cptsd. That's all that counts here. 

Is vulnerability good? I must have missed the memo on that.  In some situations it can be good and with some people. In healing I have come to realise that it's not all or nothing. Often there's a fine line to find and walk. I'm learning to figure out what I think and act on that rather than just agreeing with whatever possibly the majority claims. It's not easy. 

[Three Roses]

Glad you found this place, Gibzler! You do matter, as much as anyone.

[Not Alone]

I'm glad you are here. You are most welcome. 

[Bach]

Welcome to the forum    This is good place.  I hope you will find it helpful.

[owl25]

Welcome 

[Kizzie]

You are here Gibzler and kudos to you for taking a risk to be vulnerable, we all know how hard that is.   

I felt the same way and then gradually I felt safe enough to talk a little more, then a little more and so on until now the words flow fairly freely.

I hope you'll find the same thing as you become more comfortable here