Letter to my 1st grade self

[rainydiary]

I don't recall what brought this time to my mind but I wanted to write to my 1st grade self.

Dear 1st Grade Me,

I thought of you recently.  You worked so hard to learn to read and be a member of your class.  Your teacher showed you care and even used your name as a spelling word. 

I remember you becoming very upset though when your teacher sat a "bad" kid next to you.  I'm sure your teacher thought you would be a good influence on the student.  However you became extremely distressed.  Your mom went and talked to the teacher and I guess your seat was changed. 

With adult eyes, I now wonder what the adults thought about your reaction.  Children that age are more concrete about right and wrong so maybe they saw you as acting in an age appropriate way.  I wonder what words they used to talk about you.  I hope they were kind words but sometimes adults use words forgetting how they feel to a child hearing them.

It does not seem that they saw this as a trauma response.  They saw an obedient, hard working, intelligent student.  They didn't see the child so afraid of getting in trouble she didn't want a troublemaker near her - she didn't want the consequences to fall on her too.  She already had enough of that at home. 

Little one, you are brave and strong. I'm sorry that no one understood or even recognized your pain for what it was.  I hear you and I will keep you safe now. 

[Tee]

  there's always a reason things are brought to mind rainydiary. The letter was sweet I hope your first grade self feels safe and loved. I'm sorry home was rough at such a young life but I'm glad you has school as a safe place. Big hug if that's ok to encourage both big and little you to keep walking down your path of healing.