Sceal's journey

Started by Sceal, July 24, 2020, 10:39:36 PM

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rainydiary

I appreciate you sharing about your day.  It put into perspective how much we experience in a day and the moments that snag us.  I hope that you find ease and ways to give yourself care and understanding for all the successes and growth you are making.

sanmagic7

my experience w/ losing weight is that sometimes the scale may be the same, but the body has shifted its load a bit, so we can look smaller w/o actually weighing less.  plus, you've been working out, building muscles, and muscle weighs more, is denser, than fat.  may i suggest you look at how your clothes are fitting rather than at the scale.  those numbers can be deceiving, and can trigger old messages that don't suit us anymore.

love and hugs, sweet sceal :hug:

Tee


Sceal

Thank you guys.

San, I know that the scale doesn't show the whole truth. But in this instance I need the scale to show a spesific number before I can apply for removal of surplus skin. To which I have a lot of.

I've had two days of eating crap. Eating crisps and popcorn, and just generally eating too much, and barely moving.
I've been utterly drained.
My lower leg hurts like *, but I'm still going to do some strength today. I need to move about. Or else the spiders will find me and start using me as an excellent place to make spiderweb. But I am still tired.

I finished a commissioned work yesterday. But I'm not sure if the client is actually happy with it. I don't know how to fix it to make them properly happy. I am so dependent on them doing positive word of mouth. I rarely get commissions, or sales. And I'm so desperate for it, I've no idea how to start improving it.
Stressed!

sanmagic7

oh, i get it.  that's kind of a dilemma, isn't it?  you're looking smaller but the numbers, which is what others use as a reference, are saying you're not.  dang, and then you've got people saying you don't need to lose any more weight when those numbers are all important for the next level of this journey for you.  sorry, sceal.  that's rough.  did you go into this nosedive because of that?  please, hang tough, my dear sceal.  you are doing so well with all this, you are working very, very hard at getting your body back to a healthy place.  i'm rooting for you, that this will come right sooner rather than later.

by the by, thanks for the chuckle about the spiders.  actually, that was pretty good!  i pictured it on myself when i have some of those days, and the smile came automatically.  love and caring hugs :hug: :hug:

Sceal

Feeling awful today.

I feel like a trashcan. Had popcorn for lunch. what a stupid choice. I don't even know why I did it.
I don't feel like doing anything.
I'm just waiting for tonight tbh.
Exhausted I guess.

Rani

Hello sceal,

if it's okay to say (I'm almost new-old to this site) To say that I do understand. The awfulness of the Day is shared here with you hope you feel better soon

Take care

Sceal

Thank you, Rani! I appreciate it.

Tee

 :hug: I'm sorry your feeling low today sceal. I hope your day gets better. I'm sending a big hug of encouragement and strength :hug:

Sceal

Thank you Tee  :hug: it was a big help.
I got through the day yesterday.

Sceal

My brain stopped working today.
People were instructing me to do things, and I just didn't understand. I felt so far off I wasn't even able to feel stupid for not getting it.
I then proceeded to think it was Thursday, or Monday - I've no clue. Whichever day I normally have a car and drive half-way to town, park and then take the train from there.  All other days I take the bus. So I jumped on the train, fully intent on driving home, except.. there was no car to be found. Because I never used it today!    ???
I then proceeded to think I could eat a burrito through my facemask.
Nothing seems to be working today. I just exist. That's about it.

marta1234

Sceal, I'm sorry you had a hard day today. I'd like to send you lots of hugs (if it's ok) after your day, and I hope you can find some comfort or rest a bit  :hug:  :hug:
I'd also like to add that it's ok for these kinds of days, it's ok to forget and feel disoriented (even for a whole day). No one knows more than we (on this forum) how much effort you put in everyday to simply exist and somehow stay afloat with all the symptoms, so it's ok to have days like these. Please be gentle to yourself, okay (I hope it's ok for me say this)?  :hug:

Tee

 :hug: I'm glad you made it through the day.  It sounds like you need a rest.  Some days I wish life would just stop for a day or two so I can just stay in bed and rest.  Sending a restful night if that's possible so you can wake peaceful and well rested ready to take on the world Sceal.   :hug:

Sceal

Thank you, Marta and Tee.  :hug:
A hug in these days is the best medicine.
My family doesn't do physical contact much, if at all. They don't like giving or recieving hugs, and I'm not one to force a hug upon anyone.
It's a strange realisation that I am wanting, and missing hugs. That it would really be nice to be given a long, proper hug. I've always resisted those, they've made me feel trapped. But... I need one. I've changed, and I am still changing.

Most days now I don't have my head below water. Or barely having my head above water. I'm reaching the shore, although slowly. The water is now to my shoulders. Which makes those difficult, dark days so much harder. Because now I know, now I finally know what it is like to have a normal day several days after one another. Or as normal as I can have them be at this stage of my life. And it's good.
There's still issues, it's not all fun and dance, and glitter and glam. It's far from that, but it's better. And better is good. Better is wonderful.

My city is on a lockdown again now though. It is stressing me out. I am trying my best to stay calm, breathe, and just go about my day. Do the art that I can at home. Work out in the mornings. Take breaks, daydream, and go back to working on art.
I have however noticed... I have no hobbies. I gave them all up for art and working out. I don't have enough brain power to learn a new hobby, and my old ones aren't any I'd like to pick back up again.
So I don't really know what to do.. to pass time when those rough days come and I can't get out and distract my brain.

Tee

 :hug: I feel your pain.  I like hugs too but the aren't allowed right now.😏 But I'll send you one.   Finding things to do is hard too. Good luck. :hug: