Further Adventures of Elpha

Started by Elphanigh, July 24, 2020, 11:53:50 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Elphanigh

Job update: for those of you that want to know, the interview went well. I have one more person on staff to talk to and if they like me likely I will be offered the position. It is a lot to digest and decide so I am glad I have some time to do so.

Elphanigh

Figured I would come here again. I have almost written here several times and just not found the words I wanted to find. I will probably still not find them but words at all is a good thing. I have realized even if I am offered the job on the coast I will likely tell them no. I miss being where I lived two years ago because that place is home and I think it is okay to want that for now. It is scary to know that a place feels like home and that I am so attached to it but I cannot deny that truth just because I am scared of it. I am starting to focus my job search there for now because it feels like the right move for me right now. I just needed to find that out through feeling it in a big way.

I also still feel like I have a lot of grief to work through. I got a lot of it out on Wed/Thurs but I know there is a deep well of grief in my life and it will take some time to work through it. I know I grieve the things attached to that anniversary but I also grieve many things in my life. Grief is cumulative and I have a lifetime full of it sitting there. I know I won't grieve it all at once but for now, I feel like that is where I am in my healing.

None of this feels particularly sufficient to express the feelings I have but it is the best way I can put them for now. Almost everything is still very much in my body and there are less words for those types of feelings.

Elphanigh

There is plenty I could talk about but I do not have the time tonight to be honest. I did want to celebrate that I have an unofficial job offer and should have the official paperwork within the next two weeks (their HR department has a week off next week or it would be quicker). I am glad to have the time to think about it but I may have found my job for next year which is great.

Anyways I will come and write more about other things just wanted to put this here since all of you have been such huge supporters.  :grouphug:

Not Alone


Elphanigh

Thank you, notalone!

I did verbally accept the offer today and will sign the paperwork next week. I have a start date and everything  :cheer:

Snowdrop

That's great news! Congratulations! :cheer:

Alter-eg0


woodsgnome


Elphanigh

Well, this month has been a whirlwind. I officially accepted a different position than the one I originally talked about here. I start much earlier and will be in a more private-practice style environment, which will mean I have a larger variety of clients ranging from kids to adults. This one feels like a better fit for me personally and I am excited

There is a lot of other stuff like my M visiting and finishing school I could talk about but I don't have a lot of extra energy or words for much right now.

woodsgnome

Not having words or energy, Elphanigh, is very understandable. So I'll just add further congrats as you set sail on an adventure that seemed so unlikely only a couple of years back.

You've describe well the many ins/outs, perils and triumphs of the journey so far. They're inspiring, to say the least. So I'll leave it at that, only adding one little big thing --  :bighug:

Hope67

Hi Elpha,
I also wanted to send you a hug and say Congratulations on all you've achieved.   :hug:  Hope you're able to get some rest and time to enjoy things.
Hope  :)

Elphanigh

Thank you both so much :grouphug:

I am taking time to rest where I can and just soaking it all in. There is a lot to do so it is easy to rush through it and get overwhelmed if I don't remember to stop, breathe, and enjoy. Overall, things are amazing they just feel like they are going at lightning speed right now.

Elphanigh

I am struggling today because I believe I will lose my GGM somewhere in the next 12 hours. She is having surgery today that she has less than a 25 percent chance of surviving and I know on some level she does not want to survive it. I respect that and want nothing but peace for her. For me, I have chosen to see clients this morning since I am only here for 4 hours on Mondays and I cannot do anything more from here. Normalcy is important for me today and this is the best way I can give that to myself. I have 11 days until I graduate with my masters degree and that comes with a lot of work to do. I could not do any of it last night due to having just found out the situation and being asked my thoughts on whether or not to have her have the surgery or to let her stay how she is until she slips away. I needed the night to cry and feel but I cannot do that for a full day today. Especially because there is a small chance she survives, I want to not grieve too much before I know.

Anyways, I have 11 days until I graduate and I have friends that get into town tomorrow. I want to be able to celebrate but right now I am just in pain and want to cry. I know it will pass and I am capable of doing school and this.. I have to.

My littles are struggling given she is the last person in my FOO that was not abusive or connected to the abuse in anyway.. losing her is that last piece of the safe space that was.. One of few places that was safe for me... so it is tough but I am going to keep on moving because I need to.

Hope67

Hi Elpha,
Sending you a hug of support at this time  :hug:
Hope  :)

Elphanigh

Thank you, Hope  :hug: I definitely needed the hug.