Needing some hope

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Geeky Gramma

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Needing some hope
« on: July 28, 2020, 12:53:59 AM »
I am wondering if anyone has been in a long term relationship or marrige with a person that they were trauma bonded to-- and then successfully broke that trauma bond while living with them,  and remained in a relationship with that person in a healthy way. I need some encouragement. I am agonizing, while trying to break that bond with my significant other who has narcissistic tendencies. We are living separately but in the same house,  and I'm working on my own recovery now, and no longer trying to save my marriage. I have CPTSD, and am a recovering people pleasing codependent.  Trying VERY hard to detach, and staying in a triggered state almost constantly.  Any thoughts would be received and appreciated.

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Persistant

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Re: Needing some hope
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2020, 04:34:59 PM »
Hi GG,

I too am highly co-dep but recovering. One of the things that helped me great deal was to identify what are my own needs. Be absolutely honest with yourself about this, it's like a wish list so it must be realistic eg don't wish to become a millionaire overnight if your finances are average but on the other hand watch out for the inner critic that keeps telling you can't do it.

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Kizzie

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Re: Needing some hope
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2020, 05:05:09 PM »
Hi GG, sounds like you could use some good tools and info about how to deal with someone who has N tendencies. I grew up with N's and had to work on identifying and managing: a) their behav, and b) the feelings it triggered in me.  I got a lot of great info and support for the former at our sister site Out of the Fog - https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/ and https://outofthefog.website/toolbox-intro/.   The latter came from talking here.

Hope this is helpful.  :grouphug: