Please do not read if you are sensitive to IATC [intentional animal torture and cruelty ].
My M had BPD and My F had APPD (antisocial/psychopathic personality Disorder). I was doomed from the start. I grew up with my M telling me that I was just like my F (he was killed in a farming accident when I was an infant). My F was notorious for IATC and zoosadism because of his upbringing. He continually did these things. When I was in 2nd grade my mom started taking me to a farm run by some of her friends. Here, I was forced to participate in various forms of IATC because my mom told me I was just like my dad. She made me do this many times over the next 3 years until that family went to jail for their actions. I hated it. I pleaded to not go, but was too young to not go. I had to obey or suffer the consequences. She stated this would prove to me that I was like him. Needless to say, This has haunted me all day everyday of my life. I just do not know how to get the images out of my head. I need help. My T says they will fade in time, but when?
Everything is a trigger because I live in a farming community and tv is full of shows and commercials with animals. I am looking for ideas on desensitizing my triggers.
And no, I am not just like my F.
