Intro

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Dontaskme495

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Intro
« on: August 10, 2020, 11:57:51 PM »
Cptsd came to light for me when researching regular ptsd for a workplace accident. I typed "ptsd workbook" into amazon and Pete Walker's Surviving to Thriving was the top result. I read something there about "dysfunctional families" and "unresolved illnesses" which really struck me and so I read about 5 pages before I knew without a doubt that this is the answer to that lingering what's wrong with me? question I've had my whole life.

We grew up in a hoarders home. Dirty hoard too; garbage, holes in floor, dust everywhere, wires hanging from ceiling. Trying to clean or fix was met with a rage that still makes my heart pound to this day. It really does a number on your self-esteem to grow up in one. I'd go to school and become a different person to hide it. I never let anyone know how depressed I was living. Eventually I wouldn't even let myself know how bad I hurt.. that led to moving often, changing jobs often, numerous failed relationships, substance abuse..

The really shocking part has been realizing how both parents were involved in making that broken home. Hard to realize you were in a cult when born into it.

Despite all that, my brother and I have been improving leaps and bounds since finding out about cptsd! Hoping to make some connections here and gain insight from those recovering too :)

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woodsgnome

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Re: Intro
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2020, 01:59:00 AM »
Hey, Dontaskme495,

I offer a hearty welcome to this forum  :wave: -- you're bound to run into lots of people with similar and maybe not so alike, but most of it valuable and for sure honest about how difficult this ride can be.

It's a pretty big place and easy to get lost in sometimes. It's probably best to wander around at your own pace and by all means feel free to speak up where you'd like, whether it's just an observation, a helping suggestion, or a question it would be hard or awkward to ask elsewhere.

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C.

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Re: Intro
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2020, 03:36:49 PM »
Welcome to this forum. I hope and believe that you will find some common experiences and support in this community.  I know that I do.  I too came across Pete Walker's book and used it for a great part of my healing.  And I have a brother where we've both recently been able to begin speaking and healing from our childhood pain, and we are in our 50's.  Thank you for having the courage to reach out here, it's so true that seeing others reach out and heal, heals us all.  Welcome. :)

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Kizzie

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Re: Intro
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2020, 04:29:20 PM »
Hi Dontaskme and a warm welcome to OOTS  :heythere:

Pete Walker's book was the first I read about CPTSD and it was a jaw dropping experience to say the least.  Such a relief to find out I am not crazy, but have symptoms common to all relational trauma survivors who suffered ongoing abuse/neglect at the hands of others.

It really isn't us, it's what happened to us.

 :grouphug:

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Dontaskme495

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Re: Intro
« Reply #4 on: August 12, 2020, 09:43:27 PM »
Thank you everyone! That was really nice  ;D

And I have a brother where we've both recently been able to begin speaking and healing from our childhood pain, and we are in our 50's. 

Are there any resources you've found helpful for cptsd and siblings?
« Last Edit: August 12, 2020, 09:56:44 PM by Dontaskme495 »

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buddy9832

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Re: Intro
« Reply #5 on: August 12, 2020, 11:34:00 PM »
Welcome dontaskme, I hope this becomes a place for you to heal!

 :heythere:

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Kizzie

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Re: Intro
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2020, 04:24:54 PM »
Here's a link to books about CPTSD - https://www.outofthestorm.website/books-1/.  Nothing specifically for siblings but helpful with understanding CPTSD and moving forward in recovery.

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notalone

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Re: Intro
« Reply #7 on: August 14, 2020, 01:19:27 AM »
Welcome.  :heythere:

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marta1234

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Re: Intro
« Reply #8 on: August 14, 2020, 04:57:41 AM »
Welcome, glad you found us  :heythere:

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Three Roses

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Re: Intro
« Reply #9 on: August 14, 2020, 03:16:06 PM »
Hello  :wave: I read your intro post and was saddened to hear about how you grew up, in hoarding - how devastating, frightening and lonely that must have been for you kids. It really does do a number on your head, growing up in a family that makes you feel like you're not a real person, you don't fit in anywhere. My experience, too (the "not a real person" part, not the hoarding). I'm glad you're here.  :hug: