Does anyone else feel like this?

[OceanStar]

So, does anyone else ever feel they somehow need their flashbacks?
That somehow they give them a link to the past and truth about what really happened and that it was real after continually being told otherwise.

Struggling with the fact that I might need the flashbacks. They have some how become part of my identity. I need the memories contained within them to become whole again. That they are necessary for some sort of healing to begin.

[findingpeace2018]

Hi OceanStar.  I dont know if I would say I "need" the flashbacks....I actually am very scared of remembering.  However, I have been having some creep thru (my trauma therapist said Im so blocked and the abuse happened at such a young age, I may never access most memories).  And when they do, they MAKE SO MUCH SENSE!  I feel like Im not crazy, like things are "clicking into place" if that makes sense.  And Im not super fearful when I do remember, although nothing super graphic has come thru in months.  So I think what you are feeling may very well be normal.  I can definitely see where you are coming from.  Especially if you have been told it didnt happen, or you are "remembering wrong".  I think to have pieces of the puzzle fit after years of confusion,  to me, it would make sense to want more of that.  As much as Im terrified of flashbacks, I end up so relieved (in a weird way) to have remembered something I have suspected.  I guess it feels validating to me.

I know some therapists believe you have to remember to heal and some do not.  I think it depends on the person.  I hope this helps!

[woodsgnome]

Sometimes I think we resist flashbacks because we don't want to believe how bad it might have been. Bottom line is if its bothersome now it can drag down a lot of current attempts to heal. The main thing is it occurred then, not now. If it's having an effect now, however, it indicates there's still room for healing.

For me, flashbacks indicated that something occurred, even if there's still huge grey areas I don't always know -- in some instances don't want to know -- the 'exact' story precisely, but know enough to realize that there's likely fire behind the smoke. Indeed it's like the flashback is the smoke.

Flashbacks may not be like some precise historical record (although sometimes they are). Mainly it's like they're indicators that need attention, and that they're not being made up out of pure imagination

I think it's too easy to get hung up on what really did or didn't happen. In my stuff, I was able to verify that yes, the worst abuse was as I suspected; although I still hated, and hate, when flashbacks occur. But I did survive -- the important part -- and can change, grow, or heal only from right now. Flashbacks are like photographs of varying quality. Some may indeed fade or be slightly distorted, but they provide a trace of what was out of focus.

Chopping down all the words I'd say, based on my own experience, that flashbacks may not be necessary but they definitely aren't neutral, and are active pointers to damage that can still be healed.

I hope that tamps down any panic you might have been feeling about this. 

[Kizzie]

FWIW I think what you're suggesting makes a lot of sense in terms of recovery Oceanstar. In order to deal with the past we need to be able to see and feel what happened with the caveat "when we're ready". What I've found personally is that they have become much less frequent and intense (the majority of the time) when I started to look at what they were revealing to me rather than trying to keep them at bay, stuff things down, dissociate and go away ....

IMO the memories are part of us, but as they become clearer they become part of us, integrated versus shoved into a dark place behind a locked door.

[sigiriuk]

Agree with Kizzie
Our memories, no matter how awful, are our memories.
I believe that flashbacks, dont have to be dramatic, and shocking..they can just be gentle reminders, a simple memory.
I feel that my flashbacks are trying to tell me something...asking me to make sense of my inner pain.
Slim

[Not Alone]

As awful as flashbacks are, they give context to my feelings and "craziness." Also, when I share the flashback with my therapist and am heard and believed, it is very validating.