Something I Want Others to Know About CPTSD is ...

[Saluki]

I just thought of something else: I pretended to be doing better than I was to my therapist because I thought I SHOULD be doing better. I was in some ways but not in others. I got stuck in everyone wants a happy ending land so I wrote my own happy ending but then I couldn't live up to it. I tried: I really really tried. But I couldn't do it. I think it's important professionals are aware a lot of us do that: pretend to be okay when we're not because it's expected of us. It's expected of a lot of us to pretend to be okay from birth. We learn to shut up because our crying gets us punished.

[Bert]

I couldn't agree more with Saluki... And not only to my therapist, but to everyone.

[Moondance]

Yes I agree as well. I believe it's very much ingrained in us to pretend we are okay when we are not.

[NarcKiddo]

I agree, too.

I want people to know that our logical brain can perfectly well understand that a situation is safe but that does not stop our emotional brain from sounding the emergency klaxon and battening down the hatches. Until our emotional brain has lived experience of safety it WILL NOT respond to reason, no matter what our logical brain does. The dissonance between the logical and emotional can be unbearable. This means that healing can sometimes feel like one step forward and ten steps back. The one step forward is when you engage your logical brain and understand in theory that, say, person X is safe. Then person X does or says something that does not feel safe due to your trauma, and emotional brain kicks in. The ten steps back feeling is when logical brain is engaged just enough that you can see your own emotional (over)reaction but cannot alter it.

Healing is not linear and a ten steps back blip does not mean that healing is not happening.

[Bermuda]

That is so so true NK.

[Moondance]

Yes so very true Bermuda and even some trauma informed people really don't get it so yes I would very much would like others to know this.

I would like for others to know that being pushy about anything at all, whether covertly or not that this pushiness is retraumatizing especially at the beginning of recovery or healing.

[LilBrokenFae]

Something I want others to know about cptsd..

I work in the medical field- surgery specifically. I'm surrounded by people who show no inkling of understanding of the complexities of trauma, much less cptsd.
I don't have a baseline personality to get back to. All the time my brain was supposed to be making me into a person was spent in a cycle of shame/survival mode. I was in ongoing trauma for 8 years, up until I was 16. I'm a person built of reactions and self-soothing. It makes it hard to get along with the lay-people. I feel things more acutely and I don't fault people for the ways they've chosen to survive.
I think it makes me a superior caregiver despite it all.

[Dante]

Oh my gosh, LilBrokenFae.  This is me, to a tee.  "I don't have a baseline personality to get back to."  "I'm a person built of reactions and self-soothing."  I can so relate to this.  Thank you for writing this.

[Chart]

This is actually supported by Neuroscience. Scans of the brain indicate an absence of activity in the regions of the brain associated with the identity of 'self' in persons suffering from developmental trauma.

Sebern Fisher explaining the fundamentals of Neurofeedback treatment for Developmental Trauma (DT)
https://youtu.be/fiG3DXysqBs?si=BGe8Dtz1ZZWCSf4j

[Desert Flower]

Wow! I didn't know that Chart. And one of the things I was diagnosed with a long time ago was an 'Identity Disorder'. I just didn't know who I was. And still don't know who I am when I'm not constantly worrying, seems there's nothing else there.

[Desert Flower]

I want others to know how hard I have to work to participate in my life and with others.

Right. I agree. They have no idea how hard we (have to) work to keep up.

[Denverite]

Something I want others to know about C-PTSD is that they are almost never really seeing "me." They're seeing a protective mechanism, a force field that I'm constantly generating because I had to ever since I was a child. I come across as aloof, arrogant, or standoff-is so often when I'm just trying to share space with others without panicking.

[Kia1212]

I am 68 years old and know that you do develop symptoms as you get older. This all occurred in 2022, after getting the covid vaccine, which is a factor. I had my heart checked out, and CT lung scan. Which shows the copd.  There is no blood work or diagnostic test for complex ptsd, just symptoms of extreme fatigue, never ever feeling capable or strong enough to do anything.  I just get in the car sometimes and go shopping, I have to use the cart to help me walk. It is incredibly debilitating. Numerous body, muscle aches and brain fog. When I asked my primary if there were tests to better diagnose the ptsd, he said no. I had no idea that years of gaslighting and emotional abuse could cause physical ailments. It a warning for people staying in these relationships, they literally leave you spiritless, and hollow.

[Kizzie]

Kia - fatigue and brain fog are common for survivors struggling to deal with CPTSD.  Here's just one article but there are lots more. Did you know that people with C-PTSD can experience up to 40-60% less energy compared to those without C-PTSD? at https://brisbanewellbeing.com.au/cptsd/#:~:text=Lack%20of%20Sleep,levels%20and%20overall%20well%2Dbeing.

Physicians do not necessarily know this as most medical programs don't teach students about CPTSD yet. So you could do some research (Google CPTSD and brain fog or fatigue), and take articles into your doc. Or you could try and find a therapist who does know about CPTSD and work with them to improve your fatigue and brain fog.

Sadly, we often have to advocate for ourselves as CPTSD is a relatively "new" diagnosis.  Although it's been around since the 1990's it was only recently accepted in one of two main diagnostic manuals healthcare professionals use.