Hi from Rrecovery

[schrödinger's cat]

Hm, maybe forgiving is a step to be thought of later. I'm saying this because I discovered that first of all I have to be properly angry at them, and to grieve the betrayal that was often involved. Those people did leave me in the lurch, after all. It's just so easy to overlook this particular pain because it's not about something that happened, it's about something that should've happened but didn't.

[Rrecovery]

Hi Rain and Cat,
For me the bullying stopped at the beginning of H.S. because I had become a stoner and was accepted into that group.  So the bullying was in elementary and Jr. High.  I don't blame them for disliking and excluding me because I was a socially toxic person back then.  I don't expect kids that young to do better under the circumstances.  I was angry for a long time about it.  My inner-child deserved my outrage on her behalf.  Eventually I made it to the acceptance stage.  An interesting note: I actually went to my 30th class reunion as a way of facing my past and reclaiming my dignity among those people.  Everyone was polite.  But... I only recognized about 5 people out of about 100!  I might as well have gone to someone else's class reunion!  The stoner bunch didn't attend and I was too disassociated during those years to be able to recognize my "peers."  It was an exceedingly uncomfortable evening.  But I did feel like I reclaimed my dignity by going head held high, a success in my profession (photo and description posted in a mini class book that was done).
Rain: thanks for sharing your strategy - especially the body scan and care - could be really helpful for me.  I'm glad you're doing soooooo much better    Me too 

[Rain]

Hi Rr, what a Journey you have had.  I have learned quite a bit from you.   I've will have to do that also on attending the next H.S. class reunion.   Reclaiming your dignity with it, even though it was uncomfortable.   Impressive, Rr!

And, I smiled with what you wrote ..."your success in my profession"      Excellent, Rr!!

As to the body scan, I am grateful to Peter Levine on his books on that and others gifts I learned there.    Yes, I'm glad I am doing better, and that you are doing better, too Rr!!!    We celebrate  ... day by day ...a little better, even with the steps backwards here and there.

[schrödinger's cat]

Hi Rrecovery, glad to hear that you were able to do that. It sounds like it gave you some closure. 

I went to such a class reunion too, and it wasn't a fun evening at all, but it was still good to see how bland and boring those people seemed, like if it happened today, I could totally take them on and have a fair chance of winning. In my memories, they were always so impossibly cool and strong and glamorous.

[Rrecovery]

Hm, maybe forgiving is a step to be thought of later. I'm saying this because I discovered that first of all I have to be properly angry at them, and to grieve the betrayal that was often involved. Those people did leave me in the lurch, after all. It's just so easy to overlook this particular pain because it's not about something that happened, it's about something that should've happened but didn't.

Cat I agree - bypassing the anger stage short circuits the healing process IMO.

[Rrecovery]

Hi Rrecovery, glad to hear that you were able to do that. It sounds like it gave you some closure. 

I went to such a class reunion too, and it wasn't a fun evening at all, but it was still good to see how bland and boring those people seemed, like if it happened today, I could totally take them on and have a fair chance of winning. In my memories, they were always so impossibly cool and strong and glamorous.

Great! Yay!!!  Here's an interesting story - I went on a date with someone from a dating site.  His stated age was 5 years younger than me (go girl!).  As we talked we discovered we went to the same H.S. and that he had LIED about his age - we were in the same class!  I didn't recognize him but when I heard his last name it sounded familiar.  He didn't recognize me or my name.  He was one of the popular people.  He spent the entire date reminiscing fondly about all the great H.S. years - I was triggered the whole time - trying not to let on about my place in that culture.  I found him to be lost and superficial.  Then I put together that the town I grew up in was white bread red neck suburbia - not my type of people at all!  Even if I had been normal, I wouldn't have fit in.  I guess the whole deal was a double whammy for me.  He wanted to see me again!  Obviously I said no thank you.  I actually felt sorry for him that he is still stuck in that (for me) empty "culture."

[Kizzie]

That was quite the experience!  An up front and personal look at the past in the present and a cure for old fears - brilliant!

It speaks volumes about your recovery that you were able to see things so clearly now. You might have bought into his view of things and wondered why you had a problem. But you didn't - kudos   

[Rrecovery]

Thank you 

[schrödinger's cat]

 

[Rrecovery]

X 2 

[schrödinger's cat]

 

[Badmemories]

Reading the posts here makes me wonder...where is a good place to find out information about BULLYING?  I was also Bullied for most of My school age..

[Rrecovery]

Hi BeHealthy 

Thank you!!! Your post helped me expand my view of a full life.  Does it mean living like a Hollywood celebrity or a sports legend?  It's easy to buy into this view unconsciously and then see your life as small.  Thank you for the beautiful reframe