"Getting your feelings back"

[cflage]

I used to have some friends who were opioid addicts in recovery. Once they got clean, they told me new challenges came up because they weren't able to numb their emotions anymore, and they had to learn from scratch how to use them appropriately.

I've never been hooked on substances, but this phrase is jumping out at me today.

As I'm figuring out how trauma manifests today and some of the tools I can now use to manage it, it seems like every little knot I unwind unleashes a part of me I was avoiding or had forgotten. Monday I bawled and cried. Tuesday I was able to smile in the mirror. Wednesday I felt deep resolve like I could really follow through on what I wanted.

It's new territory. In a way I'm excited to get to explore it.

[woodsgnome]

  ... good to see you've found new territory, and it hasn't scared you back, either. If it does, you at least know the feeling of having seen the new prospect.

I remember when I started with my present T, I informed her that feelings were mostly inaccessible for me. I realize that was a bit off the mark in denying any feeling. I couldn't/didn't want to access some areas, from fear more than anything. I knew there's stuff (still is) lurking around the edges that might indeed trigger me into feelings I was terrified of.

Though the road is still rocky at times, muddy at others, slowly I've been able to find feelings again, and it does free things up a bit, and having done that it makes the rest of recovery seem less foreboding, and I even ran into some surprises that have helped me turn the corner. I hope it can keep doing the same for you.