At least 2 different "inner voices"

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cflage

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At least 2 different "inner voices"
« on: August 28, 2020, 01:13:01 PM »
Decades ago, I developed a few different internal voices who would speak my thoughts under key circumstances. Just to be clear, they were only presenting my thoughts. The thoughts did not belong to someone else. However, in my head I would have a very different person than me "present" those thoughts, and this would generally only happen if I needed guidance, advice, or help. They never emerged during a traumatic event, only afterward or in times I was worrying a lot.

The people who presented my thoughts seemed to be very strong or insightful people. One was Mr. Feeny, a fictional character from a famous sitcom, who would step in and help me ponder difficult situations. Another was a black woman who I don't think ever had a name, but she was very experienced and decisive and had a knack for getting down to what really matters. I probably had others. I remember enjoying when they would emerge, like I had a PR team working for me on the inside. Like a team of advocates. I could see their faces. Their hairstyles. I could see their clothes. I could hear them speaking. They were distinct from me in every way except that they would package my thoughts up for me in ways I could not at that time.

I can still remember them clearly now, but it has been a good many years since I actually heard them emerge. I think my own voice is more or less taking the place of theirs. But I'm reading now experiencing these as different people was probably the result of dissociating. I admit, the few others I trusted with this information really didn't understand when I mentioned "my voices," it seemed like an experience that only I had.

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Lostgirl

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Re: At least 2 different "inner voices"
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2020, 09:34:11 AM »
Growing up I had an imaginary friend until around the age 10/11 I would talk and share things with her, i guess the same sort of thing as you. She went when I started secondary school but was replaced by my own voice in my head, I could have full conversations with myself hearing responses ect.

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cflage

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Re: At least 2 different "inner voices"
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2020, 12:34:31 PM »
Growing up I had an imaginary friend until around the age 10/11 I would talk and share things with her, i guess the same sort of thing as you. She went when I started secondary school but was replaced by my own voice in my head, I could have full conversations with myself hearing responses ect.
I'm really thankful you mentioned this. Yes, I do think what I had was akin to an imaginary friend. Connection with others is so important, even if it's an inner being that we gave rise to somehow.

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woodsgnome

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Re: At least 2 different "inner voices"
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2020, 03:20:56 PM »
I find the topic of inner voices fascinating. There are a couple of themes that have shaped my experience of these.

Starting with the worst, I've been haunted with the 'remnant'  voices of my principal abusers -- parents, teachers, preachers. They're not around physically anymore but nonetheless infiltrated my mind's fearful side early on and have never left.

With help from my T on this, I'm doing better at my response to these voices which can become a crescendo of noise (like hearing dozens of maximum output radios blaring at me).

My best and most effective response was the early development of other inner voices that countered the mayhem (though not always). They probably originated as dissociative responses, but they were wonderful when they made it through the other noise.

These were what I call my humour feed, as their main focus is to build a humourous (contradictory as that seems at first) inner response to the outer terror. I can recall this happening during abusive episodes, for instance, where I blanked out the negative screaming (and worse) going on around me, but my inner self's message was like "look at these buffoons with their gloomy twisted faces screaming away. These are people I never want to know", etc. Sometimes it seems as if it was these other voices that got me through.

That was the kid response, but as an adult I've lately been able to visualize doing things to them I'd never consider in real life. This is with the encouragement of the T, who encourages me even though she knows I'd never really treat people as I fantasize about what I'd do to those of the original voices. After all, she's pointed out, nothing ever stopped them from their cruelties, and they're not around as people anymore either. Yelling back has helped, along with these other visualizations.

Plus my mainstay -- that inner humourist who somehow showed up in my psyche early on and still 'saves' me even now.