Burned Out From Healing?!?

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Bach

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Burned Out From Healing?!?
« on: September 02, 2020, 04:37:40 PM »
I've been working so hard for so long, and for a while I felt like I was making progress but lately I've been feeling worse and worse every day.  I've been seeing a functional neurologist for a while, who says the treatment can reprogram my autonomic nervous system to no longer be stuck in fight-or-flight mode. This if course would be wonderful, but at the moment it feels like the whole thing is just scrambled up, less reactive to some things, more reactive to others, but no better overall.  I started tapping in July, and at first that seemed to be very helpful, but lately it doesn't seem to do very much.  Talk therapy over the phone is torture.  Drugs don't help.  Nothing helps.  I feel like it's too late both in terms of my age and in terms of the current state of the world for me to ever have any kind of satisfying and productive life.  I keep wishing I could just die already. 

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Blueberry

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Re: Burned Out From Healing?!?
« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2020, 08:27:58 PM »
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, Bach.

I don't know anything about functional neurology, so I'm sorry if this is a dumb question, but can you tell the functional neurologist that your system feels all jumbled up at the moment? Maybe s/he needs to alter something?

I do see "less reactive to some things", which means you have made some progress. I do understand that just everything seems bad atm. All I can say is that I do get these phases myself and they do pass. But they feel awful when I'm stuck in them. I'm glad you reached out because it can feel very lonely. Here's a supportive  :hug: if it feels good to you.

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woodsgnome

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Re: Burned Out From Healing?!?
« Reply #2 on: September 02, 2020, 09:01:35 PM »
I know too well what your point is, about it all seeming too much to handle. Sometimes it is; but some progress also seems to almost lie hidden before showing signs that any of it's worked.

So often this stuff stays hidden, hidden or invisible. As with any growing system, it might be the roots are still somehow pushing their way toward the surface. The root system might take a while before it shows obvious results above ground.
So yes, we burn out and wonder why sometimes what seemed promising doesn't seem to be working out.

I often have extreme doubts like the ones you're talking about. I try so hard and has any of it worked out and if not, when will it. Yet something often feels better, almost of its own accord, but who really knows? Some very surprising things have happened to me, some of it after giving up on life entirely. Somehow the root system finally made it to the surface.

It is fine to ease up on at least some of it -- it's very overwhelming not to.to keep up trying. But every time I've been at the outer edge of not wanting to go on, something would seem to happen, surprise and even startle me.

I'm still learning to ease up on some of the outer and trust the inner with this. I fear I might sound like another of those happy-talk sorts, but I'm definitely not. I've just gone through the same rough stretch of road you've described. Still, l I've gone through enough hurt to have seen the other side, and even been surprised that there does indeed appear to have been some progress where I least expected it. Perhaps it was just a matter of time before those underground roots started to show above ground.

Please take good care of yourself, Bach. And know we're all behind you -- we know what it's like, both to feel like giving up but also finding light further on.

If alright, I'd like to offer a gently and supportive  :hug:

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notalone

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Re: Burned Out From Healing?!?
« Reply #3 on: September 02, 2020, 10:48:19 PM »
I don't know anything about functional neurology, so I'm sorry if this is a dumb question, but can you tell the functional neurologist that your system feels all jumbled up at the moment? Maybe s/he needs to alter something?

I don't know anything about it either. Maybe, as Blueberry suggested, something could be altered or maybe, feeling "scrambled" is to be expected in the process. At any rate, if you haven't already, it might be a good idea to let the neurologist know what is going on.

I have been in the place you are in and it feels awful and unbearable. I care.

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dreamriver

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Re: Burned Out From Healing?!?
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2020, 02:34:40 AM »
Hi Bach - first of all, here's a huge comforting hug, if you need one :hug: ...and if not, disregard completely!

You have no idea how much what you describe strikes a chord with me, as well as many others here, I'm sure. All too often my recovery feels like 5 steps forward, 4 steps back.

You're in a raging river current and learning how to find handholds and footholds to cross, and better learning how to fight against what can feel like a maelstrom that wants to knock you loose. (That's what my emotions can feel like, anyway.)

Once you're out of the roughest patches it's easy to look back and see all the moments you slipped, when the current overwhelmed you into a fight/flight (or even freeze/fawn) state. But your healing is learning how to keep calm and strong and how to fight the current better. To just hold on better, really. Just like in the past, you'll fight clear of it and, in a moment of more clarity and peace, you'll see that you're learning that you're navigating the inevitable better and better with time. That's what counts!

Here's to hoping the most challenging parts subside and you're on to a place where you feel safer. We're here for you in the meantime.  :yes:

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Snowdrop

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Re: Burned Out From Healing?!?
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2020, 07:50:52 AM »
I want to send you a big, big hug, Bach. I'm sorry things are so hard. It's not too late.

I want you to know that I care about you, and I'm glad you're here.
 :bighug: :bighug: :grouphug:

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Hope67

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Re: Burned Out From Healing?!?
« Reply #6 on: September 04, 2020, 09:24:19 AM »
Dear Bach,
I wanted to send you a big hug too and tell you I care about you, and I'm also glad you're here.
 :bighug:
Hope  :)