Feeling really scared

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owl25

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Feeling really scared
« on: September 14, 2020, 10:31:25 AM »
I have been struggling since Friday. I am really scared. I feel I can't cope on my own. I don't have people available to reach out to and that terrifies me. I'm not really sure what is happening but I know I feel really triggered by a situation that I cannot easily fix and likely will be dealing with for months at least, possible a couple of years. I feel helpless. It feels traumatic to feel so helpless. I'm desperate for help and can't seem to find it. I felt really depressed yesterday and I am afraid of it coming back. I am afraid of having to go back on anti-depressants, I thought I would never need them again (and they caused some problems in my relationship at the time).

I feel like I am going through more trauma and maybe that's from feeling like I am reliving/remembering everything I have been through the last few years.

I'm so scared.

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Snowdrop

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Re: Feeling really scared
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2020, 10:39:54 AM »
I'm sorry, Owl. I hear your fear.

Would it help if I sat with you for a while? I can offer safe hugs if that feels welcome, put a soft blanket round your shoulders and bring you a cup of tea. :hug:

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marta1234

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Re: Feeling really scared
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2020, 11:34:10 AM »
Owl, Iím so sorry youíre going through this EF and feeling so scared. I would like to second what Snowdrop said, if itís ok, to just be there with you. I know itís horrible being in this state of constant fear. Just remember weíre here for you, and will always follow your journey.  :hug:

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sanmagic7

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Re: Feeling really scared
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2020, 02:44:57 PM »
so sorry you're going thru this, owl.  if only in a cyber way, we've got you.  we're here, we won't let go.  please, hang tough - believe me, we're hangin' right beside you.  much love, my dear. :grouphug:

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owl25

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Re: Feeling really scared
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2020, 03:25:01 PM »
What feels so traumatic to me is having no support, no help, no in-person people to talk to in these moments. It is a repeat of my childhood situation. The grief for my mother needs to come out, but I have nowhere to go with it. I've been holding everything in while waiting for a trauma therapist. I just checked with them, and as so often before: "the waitlist isn't moving as fast as I had hoped". This pandemic has backlogged each one I talk to. I have no idea when I am going to have trauma therapy available to me. It adds to the feeling that there is no help available to me, and it adds to my hopelessness that there is no way out.

Thank you for being there and having me. Even if it is just virtual. My heart is broken and I don't know how I am ever going to heal when I can't even find trained people who are available.

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rainydiary

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Re: Feeling really scared
« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2020, 02:09:03 AM »
Owl, Iíve been reading your posts the past several days and havenít been sure what to say.  I keep thinking, ďWhat Owl says sounds like my life.Ē  I am thinking of you and sending you strength as I feel this fear too. 

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blues_cruise

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Re: Feeling really scared
« Reply #6 on: September 15, 2020, 11:39:49 AM »
Hi Owl, I'm sorry you're struggling right now. Trauma is a lot for one person to cope with alone and it's triggering to be forced to wait for help, I hear you.  :hug:

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owl25

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Re: Feeling really scared
« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2020, 12:13:35 AM »
rainy, I am so sorry that you feel the same way. It is so very hard to live like this. I often don't know what to say either. Thanks for reading my posts.

blues_cruise, thank you.

I feel like have stabilized. I'll write more about that in my journal. Thank you for the support and caring  :grouphug:
« Last Edit: September 16, 2020, 12:40:23 AM by owl25 »