How am I to heal, when reading about a symptom triggers the symptom?
Thanksgiving went well, very well in fact. Perhaps the best ever. No episode, and the family came together. But after, I could not connect with my one and only. I disengaged, and went to put away the leftover turkey, when it was time to connect and together decide how we would spend our evening, now that the family activity was done.
She tried to connect with me, but I was unavailable emotionally, and then couldn't find the way forward to connect. And then she left, there was nothing she could do.
So I looked for Gottman's Seven Principles on my Library's website, and borrowed the ebook, and got as far as the description of stonewalling and flooding.
And then felt the overwhelm.
And I remembered now, that this was exactly where I stalled before, that I dissociated the last time.
So I reread the Walker page on flashback management, and tried to practice square breathing, and thought of the Litany Against Fear, and posted to my journal.