Sligeanach's journal

Started by sligeanach, September 06, 2020, 05:26:38 PM

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Armee

I appreciate your poetry, Sligeanach.

sligeanach


sligeanach

Never really thought it was poetry, there's this whole idea of poetry that is open mike night and black beret and snapping fingers instead of applause, or else gathered in a circle of folding chairs reading from notebooks

"I have nothing to say
and I am saying it
and that is poetry
as I need it."
John Cage

Armee

Your writing is poetic if not poetry. I just reread what you wrote a few down. Remove film stir recover. It made me laugh and is true.

sligeanach

Armee that brings me much warmth and smiling inside and out

sligeanach

30% through Walker's Surviving to Thriving, Audiobook on Libby. Softly reading hope in horror

Armee

More beautiful poetic words.

If you're interested, there are some very poetic memoirs or poetry by cptsd survivors. Joy Harjo, Poet Warrior is one...a memoir mostly in poem form. Adrienne Rich's poetry is also interesting...https://poets.org/poem/diving-wreck

natureluvr

Sligeanach, I've read some of your journal.  I just want to say that, for some reason, I'm not sure why, I'm on the verge of tears.  Now, I'm crying. I think what I'm feeling is empathy for you.  I identify so much with the feeling of a lack of safety, and being and feeling alone.  I hope this makes sense.  I'm sending you warmth and understanding in my thoughts.  Safe gentle hugs, if that is OK.  :hug:

sligeanach

Thank you Armee and natureluvr

So much
So very much

sligeanach

It's so much harder than it seems, to change my mind

It's not like changing a tire, or changing a channel

Or it's exactly that, but the car doesn't change its own tires, my feet don't change their shoes

And it's not a channel I've subscribed to yet

I know things, and I know things and I know things,

But all the reading is only "if only"

Then I imagine forgiving and loving my self, and the chthonican worms gnash pierce tear
And their hatred is my hatred, and my teeth are their teeth
Ground down now, years of grinding in my sleep
Years of chewing myself down
To nothing

natureluvr



sligeanach

Walker putting words to ways
Lost and wondering

Amygdala hijacking
Left AND Right Brain Dissociating
Anger stymied
Crying stifled

Inner Critic cruelly shaming
Censured
Censored



Armee

 :hug:

Have you gotten far in Walker's book? I haven't been able to read his for some reason. But a line you wrote caught my attention...left and right brain dissociating. Are you able to say more or even provide a chapter where that's talked about? I can actually feel different parts of my brain dissociating. Sometimes it takes out the left sometimes the right sometimes the back sometimes the top sometimes all.

sligeanach

Quote from: Armee on June 01, 2023, 02:48:23 PM
:hug:

Have you gotten far in Walker's book? I haven't been able to read his for some reason. But a line you wrote caught my attention...left and right brain dissociating. Are you able to say more or even provide a chapter where that's talked about? I can actually feel different parts of my brain dissociating. Sometimes it takes out the left sometimes the right sometimes the back sometimes the top sometimes all.
:hug: Armee
I'm listening to the audio book on Libby
https://www.overdrive.com/media/4500736/complex-ptsd and am at 79%
I tried reading the book twice and couldn't
But I'm able to listen
It's in chapter 6 in the description of the 4F responses

https://www.studocu.com/en-us/document/metropolitan-community-college-nebraska/introduction-to-psychology/summary-complex-ptsd-pete-walker/46867408


https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/comments/84fp3o/left_brain_vs_right_brain_dissociation/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I know I'm Dissociating when I'm aware that I can not feel nor sense

I choose myself
Breathing in awareness
Tension
Face, eyes, temples, jaw
Breathing in awareness
Breathing in
Breathing out
Breathing down
Down, down, down
Down to the ground
Solid steady
Stone and bone
now-moment, sensing-self, body-self
slow
slow
only breathing, only sensing
slow
slow
Breathing in
Breathing out
I choose myself
it takes a long time
So much time
My Time
Mine
I take my time
Take Back My Time
Take Back My Self
Mine
All Mine
Only Mine
My Time
My Breath
My Body
My Self