Can't self-soothe

Started by owl25, September 09, 2020, 01:17:13 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

owl25

I really struggle to help myself calm down when I get triggered. Any advice on what I can do? I can't seem to apply breathing, my mind just keeps going in circles about the thing that's distressing me and I can't stop. What helps is to talk to someone about what's happening for me but that's not ideal because more often than not, I don't have a person available to me. I need to be able to help myself but I don't know how.

woodsgnome

#1
I recognize the feeling, and it can build until everything feels hopeless. So I can first offer this -- a gentle  :hug: , if that's okay.

I'll share something I try. It doesn't always work, either -- but such is how these cptsd aftermaths function, or don't. I've tried some more involved techniques, but I also need to keep it simple. Sometimes that can mean less than 100% soothing which is still better than nothing.

Okay -- all I do is alternate 2 words. Here's what I do -- on the in-breath I just say ''Peace''; out-breath ''Love''.

Breaths are just ordinary, not the dramatic blows meditation teachers seem fond of (besides, I have asthma LOL). Sometimes I vary the word order ("Love/Peace"). Other words might work better for someone else. It does take a little concentration but it sometimes can deflect a trigger if I recognize what's happening early enough.

I hope you can find some relief.


Not Alone

If talking to someone helps, I'm wondering if journaling would be a help to you. Since your mind goes in circles, would it be helpful to distract yourself with a movie or something else? I find that different "tools" help at different times.

Blueberry

Quote from: notalone on September 09, 2020, 09:14:58 PM
I find that different "tools" help at different times.

:yeahthat:

I know breathing is often recommended, but concentrating on my breathing tends to trigger something in addition in me, so not what I need at all.
I use quite a lot of imagination work, which both my gp and my T have helped me develop. I use a thought-stopping image where I place a stick through the spokes of a wheel to bring it to a halt. That helps me.

I agree also that just distracting yourself might help and it's quite OK to do that. Totally legitimate and valid.

Movement can help me head it off if I realise I'm about to get triggered. For me, usually gentle movement e.g. swaying to some music or taking a few steps, without even leaving the room. So I don't mean a workout or anything. Sometimes just right-left movements on the spot will do, e.g. to stop me going into Freeze.

owl25

Thank you all for your suggestions. The biggest stumbling block for me is that there is a part of me that won't allow me to try any of these things. I feel trapped in my distress. I don't know how to get past this. Has anyone else been there and gotten past that?

Blueberry

I'm sorry owl, that's difficult having a part who won't allow you to try things out.  :hug:

I have various parts who have made it very difficult for me to try things out or carry through with things. For me, there was unfortunately never a quick and easy solution. The best was accepting it and hoping it would change some time  as I progressed in healing. And there has been progression but I don't have any control over what heals first. I mean I can work on xyz with my T and pqr improves. There probably are people who can feel into their parts and discuss and compromise etc, but I couldn't with these really bad blockages. Forcing myself (or being forced by Ts!) to look at things too early was never good, putting it mildly.

owl25

Thanks Blueberry. I feel that way too, that it can't be forced. But in the meantime I am starting to feel pretty depressed. I'm starting to get worried.