On Purpose? *Trigger Warning*

[Eidolon]

I'm curious if anyone else feels like their abuse was planned ahead of time.

For example, my mother started out verbally abusing me and let other people do most of the dirty work. She would insult me a LOT. Slowly, there was less food in the house for me to eat- I ate dog treats instead. Then it was sleeping in a dog bed. She would say I had fleas, even though I could see the lice dropping onto my school assignments. It felt linear, like there was a goal in mind with the neglect. I hope I'm making sense.

[Not Alone]

What I hear you saying is that your mother abused you and planned and carried out the abuse becoming progressively worse. Is that correct?

BTW, I am at a loss of words at the cruelty of your mother.

[Eidolon]

That's what happened. I think my problem is coming to terms with it. If it was planned, why? What did I do? I know I was the scapegoat and that's oddly comforting. A scapegoat doesn't need to do anything wrong for them to be punished. Which means I didn't do anything wrong, and that she was simply abusing me. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. There is still a part of me that wants to believe she intended to do good things for me, and just "got lost along the way." But that isn't true. There really was no excusing it. And there still isn't. She would tell me the government was "coming to kill our family" and that I had to practice with a bow and arrow so we wouldn't starve to death when the end of the world came.

I appreciate you caring! It feels good to get it off my chest.

[Not Alone]

Which means I didn't do anything wrong

No, you did not do anything wrong.

[gravity]

I'm so sorry you went through that.  That is horrible.  You did nothing wrong.