Letter to myself

[rainydiary]

Dear Me,

You have been feeling numb for the past several days and aren't quite sure of the reason.  A lot of possible sources are coming up.  They include:

Your husband is getting ready to be gone over night.  You haven't been apart for more than a few hours in the past 6 months.

Your husband leaving is reminding you of the last time he left after his brother died.  You felt abandoned by him and haven't really recovered from that.

The awareness that 9/11 is coming up.  You were in high school when that happened and it was a terrible day and has led to so much change.

You have coworkers gaslighting you as well as being bullies.  It is reminding you of being bullied in middle school as well as never being believed by the people that raised you.

You are living in a pandemic and through a time of upheaval.

You are recognizing more truths about your past that include sexual assault.  You got through the hardships of childhood and walked into the world with wounds that were made worse by faulty decisions. 

You are recognizing and facing shame. 

That is what comes to mind.  I hope that as the days go on you discover what is under the surface.  It is there and you are sensing it, just not quite ready to face it. 

Take care,

Me