Hi, I'm Sharon

Started by sunkitten, September 22, 2014, 03:42:56 AM

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sunkitten

Hello to all. :) I recognize some names on here from OOTF, so some of you may have read my posts there.

I grew up as part of a military family, but when I was seven our family moved to the town where we would spend the remainder of my father's military career. We didn't have any extended family close by -- my father's FOO lived a hundred miles away, and my mother's were over a thousand miles away.

All of my family are dead now, including extended family, and my late father I strongly suspect had NPD/ASPD. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and PTSD around 2002, due to extreme physical, sexual, financial and emotional abuse suffered while growing up as the SG in my family. I'm also permanently disabled due to neglect of developing scoliosis during childhood, and have chronic pain from that and fibromyalgia, so am unable to work full-time.

My father died almost six years ago; however, it was only last year that I as executrix was able to start probate on his estate because he'd designated his brother's stepdaughter as his financial POA in the last year of his life, and she repeatedly refused to turn over his financial documents to me or any mail that arrived at her house for the estate. The week probate completed I received some devastating news that he'd essentially disinherited me, despite my disability and having taken care of him for many years following my mother's death. (The whole story is so long, and already posted over at OOTF, that I won't repost it here). I started to research narcissism shortly afterward, and realized that he was very likely a malignant narcissist -- it explains so much about his treatment of me over the years and about his final betrayal concerning his estate.

I've done a lot of grieving over this, the realization that he had never loved me and the many lies he told to me and others so that he would appear to be a good person to all except his immediate family. Due to my financial circumstances I can't afford therapy, but do see a counselor once a month to six weeks -- had to leave work last year because of chronic pain but also because the woman who manipulated my father into giving her everything has a daughter who works there, and it was triggering me so badly that the nightmares were almost constant.

Since the realization of my father's NPD/ASPD, and coming to OOTF months ago, another piece of the puzzle has fallen into place: my PTSD is really CPTSD. I've read all of the articles on Pete Walker's website, and bought his book on the subject last week, in my effort to become functional enough to stop isolating and get another job, and start rebuilding my life.

I have no husband or children, just two wonderful elderly cats who have been my lifeline. It's incredibly hard for me to trust people although (intellectually, at least) I realize there are safe people out there.

Thanks for opening this board for those of us who are dealing with CPTSD and are looking for ways to help us in our recoveries.

Kizzie

Hi and welcome to Out of the Storm Sunkitten  ;D 

I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through and are going through  {{Hugs}}  It sounds like you've already figured out a lot of what underlies your difficulties by being a member of OOTF. You probably felt that huge sense of relief so many of us do when we arrive there, learn we weren't imagining things and best of all aren't alone.  It's a wonderful site and helped me get to where I am now and it sounds like the same is true for you - it's time to sift our focus to ourselves, figure out what CPTSD is all about and what we can do about it. 

Like OOTF, here you will find a lot of information, support and encouragement.  We're just building our resources but if you have gone to Pete Walker's site and have his book, you already have a good base for posting here as we do talk about his work quite a bit.  It gives us a common language and understanding of what CPTSD is all about.     

Again, welcome and I look forward to "talking" with you in the various forums.
                           

Rrecovery

Hi SunKitten and welcome  :)

I am so sorry for your suffering.  It 's so hard when we can't afford the therapy we need - I experienced this most of my life.  I hope that this forum will be a wonderful resource to you.  So glad you're here  :)