What do you do in the evenings?

[OceanStar]

So, this is perhaps a silly question but...
What do you do in the evenings?

I struggle to do anything other than flop in a heap because I'm so tired. Recently I've been thinking I might need to push myself to do a bit more. To begin to reclaim some of the 'me' that has been eroded away by everything that is CPTSD.

Any thoughts or suggestions welcomed.

[Snookiebookie2]

OceanStar

I can relate to that 'flop in a heap' feeling at the end of day.  I feel under immense pressure and strain to survive the day, that come 6pm I'm drained.

I keep a journal to keep some balance and a sense of me.  It only takes 10 minutes. Other than that I struggle to motivate myself.

[OceanStar]

Thanks snookiebookie, glad I'm not the only one who feels that drive to reach the end of the day then 'flops'. I'm sorry you experience it too but I'm glad to know I'm not alone in it. Thank you for responding.

Yes, I journal too but it often feels like part of the process rather than me... does that make sense.

[rainydiary]

I relate to the original post.  I am drained and don't enjoy evenings. 

I have found that I have developed a lot of routines to cope with my CPTSD and I feel a lot of shame that perhaps I don't "live."

For me it's hard to sort out what is being an introvert, what is being a highly sensitive person, and what are habits I've developed to cope with CPTSD. 

I am a homebody and love alone time and quiet.  But often no matter how much time I spend alone, I am still drained every day.

I try to do things that will recharge me like journaling, reading, exercising, resting.  But that doesn't always work out. 

[Bermuda]

I struggle with this too, and I am not sure what I can say to help you, but I can share my experience and maybe that will make you feel better.

I usually am very exhausted and in pain every evening. Even if I am having a good energy day, eating dinner usually triggers this feeling for me. It's terrible, and terribly predictable. I am always flip-flopping between all the things I've been told. I shouldn't self-indulge (aka dissociate), but I deserve to be heard and have self-care time. I have no idea how to balance these seemingly contradictary notions, especially since this is a daily struggle for me.

Someone once said to do things I normally do, but differently. So instead of doing something passive, to make it engaging somehow. Instead of bathing, to have a cold shower. Instead of watching a film, watch one in a foreign language without subtitles, ect. I don't know. I haven't tried these things because just the thought of it turns on my inner critic, but maybe it does help some people sometimes to just make their self-care time more conscious.

Maybe that helps?

[Kizzie]

...I feel a lot of shame that perhaps I don't "live."  For me it's hard to sort out what is being an introvert, what is being a highly sensitive person, and what are habits I've developed to cope with CPTSD. 

I shouldn't self-indulge (aka dissociate), but I deserve to be heard and have self-care time. I have no idea how to balance these seemingly contradictary notions, especially since this is a daily struggle for me.

Both of these really resonate.  I sometimes find myself looking out the window and feeling guilt/shame that I'm not out there going for a walk, to a hobby evening of some kind, having people over, or whatever else people do in the evenings. 

Basically I love having supper then watching good TV so I can recharge, go away from the world, be quiet and still, be entertained.  There is so much stigma around being a couch potato though and I get that doing something, even a walk would be healthier but I feel like I need that time and I enjoy it, being stood down so to speak.  It helps me to let my nervous system and mind relax and the executive part take a much needed break. 

I don't think I quite know the difference between quiet relaxation and mild forms of dissociation though or maybe they are one in the same. 

Good thread Oceanstar, tks for starting it 

[Blueberry]

Someone once said to do things I normally do, but differently. So instead of doing something passive, to make it engaging somehow. Instead of bathing, to have a cold shower. Instead of watching a film, watch one in a foreign language without subtitles, ect. I don't know. I haven't tried these things because just the thought of it turns on my inner critic, but maybe it does help some people sometimes to just make their self-care time more conscious.

This sounds quite harsh to me, tbh. Nothing wrong with a nice bath. Why a shower instead? And worse: a cold shower?? There are times for showers and times for baths. Maybe "someone" thinks you always have to be achieving and can't just simply relax or do the nearest equivalent you're capable of      If you engage with what you're doing, even for just two minutes of e.g. your bathtime that would be being mindful and would be a direct way of doing your normal things in a different way. Maybe that's what "someone" was really thinking of.

OceanStar, I don't struggle with this because evenings are often my productive time now. Pre-lockdowns, Corona etc., I did have commitments in the evening and struggle to get to them sometimes. I did prefer to zone out sometimes or just go to bed and sleep. At times it was good that I pushed myself to go to choir practice in spite of everything, sometimes it was good that I stayed at home.

ime all these sorts of things are a question of: is this something you think you should do? Or is it something you want to do? I hear you want to reclaim some of you. Will pushing yourself to do more help you reclaim some of you? Totally open-ended question. I imagine only you can decide that, possibly after trying it out.

[Not Alone]

I sometimes find myself looking out the window and feeling guilt/shame that I'm not out there going for a walk, to a hobby evening of some kind, having people over, or whatever else people do in the evenings. 

Basically I love having supper then watching good TV so I can recharge, go away from the world, be quiet and still, be entertained.  There is so much stigma around being a couch potato though and I get that doing something, even a walk would be healthier but I feel like I need that time and I enjoy it, being stood down so to speak.  It helps me to let my nervous system and mind relax and the executive part take a much needed break. 

I struggle with the guilt. I need a lot of time to veg. I also need a lot of time to process what I'm doing in therapy. Therapy goes far beyond the 50 minute session. For me that involves a lot of time thinking, feeling, and just being. I often have to give myself permission to give myself the space and time that I need.

ime all these sorts of things are a question of: is this something you think you should do? Or is it something you want to do?

Great questions, Blueberry.