Too scared to post

[Picasso]

I've been reading the site for some time and been too scared to post.  I've felt lonely pretty my entire life.  I grew up with a bipolar mother and absent father.  My step dad was around but he mostly cared for my mom.  I've always lived not to bother my mom.  Anything I was dealing with emotionally was always too much of a burden for her.

I'm 34 now, recently separated, and parenting a 2 1/2 year old to the best of my abilities.  I've never felt like I mattered. Not from a suicidal stand point but more like things would be easier if I wasn't around.  I've always felt the urge to have someone by my side at my worst who simply tells me they love me, validate my pain, and allow me to feel.  More or less what a child needs when in crisis.

I'm scared of emotions.  They're brought me a lot of pain. Being vulnerable has not been kind. I was scared to post on this forum even though it's for other trauma survivors.  I have been wanting to post but my inner critic keeps telling me my stuff is not important. Today was a particularly tough day.  It started with difficulty getting my daughter ready for daycare this morning and I haven't done much since then. I have just been feeling lonely/abandoned most of the day.  Usually I just run away from it through any way I can.  It feels like I'm living a life sentence of loneliness/abandonment. 

[grace4]

I'm so glad you're here and thank you for sharing! You are not alone! I'm so sorry you've felt this way your whole life, I struggle with the same feelings too. You have something worth saying and you deserve to take up space in this world!  💕

[Bach]

I'm glad you posted, Picasso. Your stuff is important and you deserve to be heard and cared about. Here's a hug if that is safe for you 

[Picasso]

I'm so glad you're here and thank you for sharing! You are not alone! I'm so sorry you've felt this way your whole life, I struggle with the same feelings too. You have something worth saying and you deserve to take up space in this world!  💕

Thank you Grace.  It does help knowing others share those feelings of loneliness and abandonment.  It helps me feel more connected. I like having a safe space to share all sides of me. Not just the people pleaser who feels I just need to make other people happy.  Thanks for your kind words.

[Picasso]

I'm glad you posted, Picasso. Your stuff is important and you deserve to be heard and cared about. Here's a hug if that is safe for you 

Thank you for hearing my story and taking the time to respond.  I accept your hug and return it  . I appreciate you reminding me that my stuff is important.  It's something I am continually working on.  It helps to be reminded to be kind to myself. 

[Not Alone]

Picasso, glad you took the risk to post. Feelings of loneliness and abandonment are so painful. You do deserve to have a voice and to be heard.

[woodsgnome]

It's good to see you've take the step to .share. It's obvious yours is a caring voice. I hope you also found that reaching out helped lift your mood.

You deserve to be heard and cared for.