Moving Forwards

[Blueberry]

Thank you san, Jazzy, Armadillo and notalone 

Today I feel mostly better again physically. The vaccination spot is still raised and a bit itchy but other than that no problems any more. I can do anything and everything again. All in all, it was probably quite good to have an enforced break of a few days where I was either lying down resting or taking things very slowly. Lovely weather here but not too hot, so spent a few hours in the garden with my Fur Babies. They did haphazard lawn-mowing while I did gardening work and picked wild herbs and flowers aka weeds for my supper. I took part in an insect count. Earlier in the day I did quite a bit of housework. That all feels good. I feel happy.

The friendship boomerang is a continuation of one I undoubtedly mentioned earlier. I've just checked back in this Journal. It started in mid-May. Today as I'm feeling more grounded again, more purposeful, more able to get on with things, I realise that this friend commenting on me having disputes with so many people close to me must have been pretty triggering though I didn't consciously realise it at the time. Since then in our correspondence she mentions that she thinks I'm taking things from my childhood out on her and her family, which feels like an emotional punch in the gut. I am still thinking and corresponding though.

I phoned my little godson today for a chat. I think he liked that I phoned or at least wasn't averse to it.

[rainydiary]

Blueberry, I celebrate you in having a day that sounded overall good. 

[Armadillo]

You really do work hard and persevere through rough spots with friends. I really admire that. Most people cut and run when things are hard. Not you!

I'm sorry she said something so very hurtful and triggering. I hope she comes to understand how that type of statement affects you.

I'm glad your reaction to the shot is waning.

[sanmagic7]

wow, blueberry, so happy to hear you've been able to bounce back, get some of the life-giving dirt under your fingernails, so to speak.  i'm looking forward to doing some container gardening at our new place, and it's one of the most exciting aspects to me.  yay for gardens.!!! 

i agree with armadillo about your perseverance.  i've seen it over and over thru the years.  it's an inspiring quality about you i admire.  sending love and a hug filled with satisfaction on a job well done.

[Jazzy]

This sounds wonderful, Blueberry! I'm so glad you are feeling better. 

I also had a chuckle about your fur babies mowing the lawn while you worked in the garden. That is a lovely mental image. 

Great job winning through the struggle! 

[Blueberry]

I had a bit of email back and forth with one of the coordinators of the literary translation summer course. There are 5 or 6 people ahead of me on the waiting list and only 10 spots altogether. I think it's pretty unlikely that enough applications will be turned down and/or successful applicants decide against it at the last minute, but the coordinator didn't say: "Forget it! No way!" She said that I just might be lucky. I see it that way too - not likely but conceivable that a couple of applicants are turned down and a number of others have some bad luck and get ill at the last minute (Nothing too drastic though!)  So the correspondence between us felt good. I'm not blaming myself either. I know I wasn't procrastinating when I didn't finish my application in time - there were simply too many cptsd hurdles in the way.

A couple of hours ago I completed an application for a similar one-day course in the autumn   I found out about the course a few weeks ago, but didn't actually start the application till today. It was much easier for me to write than in January/February when I would do a little bit, then go back to it, then stop again for weeks until I missed the deadline altogether because

there were simply too many cptsd hurdles in the way.

This time there were much fewer hurdles and difficulties That means there has been progress

[Not Alone]

                

[Jazzy]

  That's wonderful Blueberry! I'm so happy for you!

[Blueberry]

Thank you all for your validation and cheers in the last little while 

I've got a place already on the one-day course in autumn that I applied for. Originally they said I'd hear by the end of June, so I was surprised I got notified yesterday.

A translation was collected from me yesterday and I'm back working on a new one today    I always used to need a break of a few days or even weeks.  I think I'll be finished by tomorrow, though it's not due till Monday. So I'm feeling relaxed.

The school student I mentioned in early May - her problem stems at least partly from her parents not being on the same page about her. The mother actually agrees with me that her daughter should be allowed to feel the consequences of not doing homework and not studying for a big test. e.g. you might just get a mark of 30%. But instead the father runs around doing his best to get her to study, working together with her e.g. till midnight last night for a math test today, therefore she didn't have time to do her homework for me etc etc. The mother does explain all these 'facts'. I'm not interested and I cut her phone call short today, saying I got the picture, thanks. For me these are simply excuses. 

There are often times when I do listen to why a student didn't do their homework and what they say is not necessarily an excuse, but in this case I think the girl has got away far too often with not doing something and nobody has set her a real limit or allowed her to feel the consequences. The parents seem to run around with an emotional safety net to catch her. Of course there is a time and place for parental emotional safety nets. I'm probably not the only person on here to not have had enough of that. But too much isn't healthy either.

In a nutshell this child doesn't need so much 'sympathy' and attention and 'understanding', she needs somebody to be fair but strict. To say "No." and "Stop." and "Pay attention to what I am saying" (instead of doodling in your book) and "Go back to the exercise you're meant to be completing" (instead of asking me extraneous questions). But I am fair. When she gives a correct answer or improves e.g. her pronunciation of a word that I'm working on with her, I praise her. I'm not being like my mother: strict and mean, holding grudges which meant she wouldn't praise you 5 minutes later (or 5 days later) for getting back on course and doing something correctly.

Sometimes being strict is a way of being kind and I really think that's what this child needs. I feel much better now, much more in charge, in my Adult instead of slooing around (spelling??). Before I felt as if this child was leading me (and her parents) around by the nose. She's probably still leading them around, maybe the mother to a lesser degree. But I'm not allowing it. That has something to do with boundaries too. 

[rainydiary]

Working with students in my experience is such a balance of boundaries.  I have learned that kids need boundaries.  I recently learned about something called the Circle of Security which I think is a way of understanding secure attachment.  I found some of the free visuals on their website really helpful for my thinking.

[Hope67]

Hi Blueberry,
I really hear the adult self of you setting boundaries in your writing in relation to your student. 

I haven't been around as much this past few days, so I was late in adding some validation and cheers your way, but I have been thinking of you from time to time - so sending you some hugs and cheers now 

Hope 

[Armadillo]

What you are doing for this girl sounds very kind and like what she needs and like you are coming from a good place. 

Good job on your back to back productivity!

[Blueberry]

Thank you rainydiary, Hope and Armadillo.

I'm really tired now but just want to note for myself that I've had another good day I've been up and about since 8:30am basically doing productive stuff all day. I did take breaks but I don't have the impression I got stuck in one of my cptsd ruts doing something unproductive for hours on end. It's actually now in the early hours of the following day. I really accomplished a lot today and I'm feeling good about that

I've just finished attempting 2 further emails to the friend I'm presently in a dispute with. One is a suggestion on when and where I could meet up with my godson next. He can't help what's going on! The other one is me trying to get clarification on what some of her criticisms of me really mean - I can deal with small doses of constructive criticism but not with blanket statements.  Writing that email is really hard and I've given it up for the evening and will look at it again tomorrow.

[Jazzy]

Wow, Blueberry! 

This is incredible!!!

I was going to quote the key parts, but the whole thing is just full of positivity! I really like how you identified that you were struggling with the e-mail, so you set it aside to come back later. That's tremendous progress.

I remember it wasn't all that long ago where you were immobilized by an EF while trying to write something. I remember it because I have been in similar situations. Look at us now!

Congratulations on all your growth and healing, Blueberry!

Jazzy <3

[Kizzie]

   Lovely to read your post BB, really happy for you     Here's to many more good days!