Letter(s) to my FOO

[marta1234]

Tw: mention of physical abuse
Dear brother,

I don't know what to say. I was always afraid to talk to you because your mood would change immediately, and I never knew if I would get the bad side of it (the shoving, inducing intentional pain, the hitting). You changed so quickly. You would be nice to my mom after hitting me. You would smile to my mom right after using physical force on me to make me do something. I felt I was your punching bag. And I was.
I am broken today. You have made me broken. Because you could slip through the sidelines with your "brother" card, no one paid attention to us. Everything was pushed aside, parents probably hoping that it was nothing. And I hated them for a long time because of their naïvety, thinking that a blood brother would not harm their siblings too.
People here call a lot of their abusers as people with NPD, and maybe you are one. Maybe you are a narcissist with a personality disorder. I just could never talk with you. I could never be in the same room as you without being hyper vigilant, expecting something to go wrong this instant and to receive blows from you. And these days, I see you in so many people. When some start to behave like you did, I immediately see you; the big brother towering over the little sister.
I also hate being called your little sister. Or even sister. Because our relationship was never that what you see in the movies. I get triggered when I have to call myself sister.

Sincerely,
M.

[Snowdrop]

I can relate to this so much. I feel angry that you were treated in this way. Sending you love and support.

[marta1234]

Thank you Snowdrop 

[Not Alone]

Marta, would just like to give you a hug. 

[marta1234]

Thank you notalone